my legacy
"He must increase; and I must decrease." (John 3:30)
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On Wednesday nights, I meet up with six friends from church and take part in community. Sometimes it is referred to as "small group", and other times it is referred to as "Bible study"... but its essence, and what sets it apart on my calendar and in my heart every week, is so much more. It is challenging. It is encouraging. It is compelling. These people are my friends. Two of them are my literal family - and the other four begin to feel that way as well. It has truly been years since I felt this type of consistent community - and I am drinking in their company as a person who has much too long been thirsting in a desert.
We have been working our way through Francis Chan's series, "Crazy Love" - and each week, the probing questions that give focus to our discussions seem to fixate even more acutely on issues that have hidden vague and untried within me for too long.
This week, the question we were asked is one that I'm sure we all, to some degree, have gotten tired or merely numb of hearing... What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? What virtues do you want to be remembered by? And which things in your life right now are getting in the way of leaving that legacy... of nurturing those virtues?
And yes - I've heard the question bounced around in country songs, sermons, funerals, TV shows, and even Scripture itself. And yes - I'm sure that I've thought about it each time, and I have formulated an answer appropriate to the angle at which Truth and circumstances were intersecting at that time. But for all the times I've been asked that throughout my life, I don't recall being personally asked that question in the past two years... when I would have, inevitably, found it nearly impossible to answer.
Legacy?... It's hard to form an answer to that question when you are concentrating on daily bread.
But on Wednesday night, I did my best to form an answer to that question - one that was honest, even at the expense of vulnerability. My answer is that I wanted my heart to be steadfast -and that I wanted my walk to exude grace. It sounded fairly simple when I first spoke it... but the past couple days, I've found it difficult to think and pray about much else.
I realize how far away I am from being that woman.
I realize how much closer I am, than what I was two years ago.
Both realizations make my chest constrict... and both fill my heart with what just might be joy. For all the decrease that my life has seen lately - the feeling thirsty, the feeling alone, the seemingly endless questions - by the increase of Himself, and for the increase of Himself... He has maintained me. And while I was focusing on daily bread... He was forming His answer upon me.
I have a church home that actually feels like home. Month after month, my bills are faithfully paid... I have no debt. My brother is marrying the girl he loves in 29 days - and I am gaining a sister. Projects and work keep me busy, but there is still much time to play. And there are sweet extras like beautiful weather, good books, and pretty flowers, that remind me of a personal God that loves me, Lauren McCuistion, for all that I am... and by all that He is.
His steadfast love is my hope... and that grace is my legacy.
- - -
On Wednesday nights, I meet up with six friends from church and take part in community. Sometimes it is referred to as "small group", and other times it is referred to as "Bible study"... but its essence, and what sets it apart on my calendar and in my heart every week, is so much more. It is challenging. It is encouraging. It is compelling. These people are my friends. Two of them are my literal family - and the other four begin to feel that way as well. It has truly been years since I felt this type of consistent community - and I am drinking in their company as a person who has much too long been thirsting in a desert.
We have been working our way through Francis Chan's series, "Crazy Love" - and each week, the probing questions that give focus to our discussions seem to fixate even more acutely on issues that have hidden vague and untried within me for too long.
This week, the question we were asked is one that I'm sure we all, to some degree, have gotten tired or merely numb of hearing... What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? What virtues do you want to be remembered by? And which things in your life right now are getting in the way of leaving that legacy... of nurturing those virtues?
And yes - I've heard the question bounced around in country songs, sermons, funerals, TV shows, and even Scripture itself. And yes - I'm sure that I've thought about it each time, and I have formulated an answer appropriate to the angle at which Truth and circumstances were intersecting at that time. But for all the times I've been asked that throughout my life, I don't recall being personally asked that question in the past two years... when I would have, inevitably, found it nearly impossible to answer.
Legacy?... It's hard to form an answer to that question when you are concentrating on daily bread.
But on Wednesday night, I did my best to form an answer to that question - one that was honest, even at the expense of vulnerability. My answer is that I wanted my heart to be steadfast -and that I wanted my walk to exude grace. It sounded fairly simple when I first spoke it... but the past couple days, I've found it difficult to think and pray about much else.
I realize how far away I am from being that woman.
I realize how much closer I am, than what I was two years ago.
Both realizations make my chest constrict... and both fill my heart with what just might be joy. For all the decrease that my life has seen lately - the feeling thirsty, the feeling alone, the seemingly endless questions - by the increase of Himself, and for the increase of Himself... He has maintained me. And while I was focusing on daily bread... He was forming His answer upon me.
I have a church home that actually feels like home. Month after month, my bills are faithfully paid... I have no debt. My brother is marrying the girl he loves in 29 days - and I am gaining a sister. Projects and work keep me busy, but there is still much time to play. And there are sweet extras like beautiful weather, good books, and pretty flowers, that remind me of a personal God that loves me, Lauren McCuistion, for all that I am... and by all that He is.
His steadfast love is my hope... and that grace is my legacy.
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