Time With Them

Our first year of homeschooling will be complete in two days, and I'm stunned. It feels like we just started! I'm thankful to the Lord for these past months. 

As I've been closing up each book this week and tucking papers away, I've noticed how much their handwriting has changed since last August. Their drawings have improved, their shapes are more defined. 

Their progress is easy to trace... but what about my own? 

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When people ask what my favorite part is about homeschooling, my answer is unequivocally: "Time with them." The extended time we spend reading together in the mornings; the lightbulb moments I get a front-row seat to witness. The amount of time we spend outdoors together, the places we visit, the unexpected conversations we get into between lessons. The overarching lack of hurry. It's FUN. Time with them is a gift, and as such, I treasure it. 

But of course, all things of value have their price. Time with them also means not a whole lot of time without them :) That has been the most challenging part of the past year, without question. 

I can handle the lesson plans, teaching, choosing curriculums, weekly trips to the library - but how do I respond when my introverted mind is tired, and they want to show me their 749th drawing that day? How do I balance all the needs, all the time? How do I schedule in necessary pauses and rests without selfishness playing a role in my decision-making? 

As I serve my family, am I making enough time to spend in God's Word? Am I eating healthy? Am I creating time to get my heart rate up and exercise? Am I encouraging my husband's spiritual walk? Am I cultivating friendships with other women who love the Lord and are pursuing Him in everything? 

The handwriting and science experiments, the appointments, the meal plans, the exercise, the budget, the playdates, the friendships... It's a lot of fun being "in charge", and it's also overwhelming.

And because it's a lot, I've faltered a lot. I've cried a lot. I've lost my temper and said "I'm sorry" a lot. The Lord can and will use whatever necessary to refine and humble us; I know this to be true. There is nothing sharper to cut at my heart than the blades within these four walls; these three people who see daily how the fruit in my life is growing. They know when I'm abiding in Christ and when I'm not. There is nowhere to hide, nor should there be - homeschooling has forged an intimacy into our family life that is precious and valuable.

What a gift, but oh! how humbling and hard. 

With my eyes already looking toward August, the most prominent emotion is excitement. Followed closely by fear. What if I fail? Not as their teacher necessarily, but as their mother? Will my own character pass or fail, moment by moment as their little eyes watch and miss nothing? 

Homeschooling is one of the best decisions our family has ever made. It's a joy, a thrill, and a challenge. But it's proven itself to be so much more than just a method of educating our children. It's also benefited my spiritual walk; my relationships with my daughters; my family's schedule and lifestyle; our eating habits! The list is endless, or so it seems. 

Time with them is and always will be my favorite thing about homeschooling... but I had no idea last August how much the Lord would use "homeschooling" to increase my own dependence on Him. His grace has proven sufficient, over and over. His Word has become dearer. It's been one of the hardest, most rewarding years of my life. 

I'm invigorated, and flattened at the same time. Such is the Christian walk. I find that with two days left to go for this school year, I already can't WAIT for Summer to be over so we can start all over again. Until then... I'll keep doing my favorite thing.

Finding ways to spend as much time as possible, with them.