living in the Light

i've been reading and studying through Ephesians the past couple days, and as i've been working my way through chapters 4 and 5, it's obvious to see the emphasis on light and its place in the life of a christian. both chapters are full of information - where our light comes from, why, and for what purpose it comes. what should it effect? how is it evidenced in our lives? of all the sentences and phrases i've been picking apart, this particular phrase seems to be CRAZY coming off the page.

"... be found living in the Light." (Ephesians 5:1-2)

initially, there is something so comforting about this phrase. it exudes security. it's a reminder of that eternal promise - that no matter what else is going on in this world, there is always a safe place within the Light. the interesting thing though, is that the emphasis is not placed merely on existing within the light... but living in the Light. actively engaging, while in the Light.

which leads me to consider two things. first, the promise: that there is a way to actually live this life, make these decisions, face these struggles, engage in this battle, and still be a child of the Light... still make our Father proud. still feel His delight resting upon me, even as i stand fully armored to fight this fight.

but secondly, there is the challenge: be found in the light. which implies... wherever the light is not, i should not be. wherever the light is, i should seek to be. as light acts - as it permeates, illuminates, and effects our perception of everything else ... this is how i should act.

that is no small challenge. and if that wasn't clear enough, Paul goes on to add:

"... and though your hearts were once full of darkness, now you are full of light from the Lord, and your behavior should show it. For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true. Try to find out what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, rebuke and expose them... Be careful how you live, not as fools but as those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity for doing good in these evil days. Don't act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do... Let the Holy Spirit fill and control you." (Ephesians 5:8-17)

- - -

when i came across that last phrase, i stopped... it paused everything in me - i didn't understand. how does a person know that the Holy Spirit has filled and is controlling them? how can a person be sure? at first glance, it almost seems too mystical for me... too vague, too wide open. sometimes i find myself fearing - how can i walk the straight and narrow path without specifics? without personalized signs, current evidence, and experiential proof? because the needs i have seem so specific. detailed. huge. now. in these moments, i seek a God who is tangible, accurate, fast, authoritative, unbending, just, permanent, bigger, better, and sovereign. in these moments, i want to see proof... proof that He is active and reaching down into my life. proof that He is fighting for me in this moment.

but as a God of Light, who pierces through my shadowed mind - there is actually something entirely different, underneath what i am praying for - underneath what i think i need.

i do not need to see proof. i need to be found living inside of it.

i need to exist in, dwell in, rest in, and be found in the Light. only in the security of that light can i be filled by His Holy Spirit. only by that light and its illumination of my heart will my actions be guided and reined. only in the glory of that light will i find what i am seeking for today - a purpose in these circumstances. a way to accomplish the impossible. a light in the darkness. proof that He is here.

- - -

"A final word: Be strong with the Lord's mighty power. Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks...

For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world,

and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms.

Use every piece of God's armor...

So that after the battle,

you will be standing firm."

(Ephesians 6:10-13)

... be found living in the Light.