alphabetical by author

well, it is official. i am not superwoman. i know many of you will be shocked at this... i apologize for letting you down - but a month of insanity has finally taken its toll. i woke up this morning with a sore throat, tremendous ear ache, feeling like my body has been vacuumed of all its energy. there is a ton of work i've got to do today... so my recourse of action? take a shower, throw on some mascara, grab the most comfortable and least sloppy clothes i can manage to compromise on, and drive around the corner to my newest internet hub - aiding my sore throat and my soul with hot tea and honey. it almost makes it okay to be sick. almost :)

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yesterday was monumental. in a couple ways which i'll write about, and a couple ways in which i won't. mwhaha.

my church had its first ever picnic - complete with hamburgers and hotdogs, a moon bounce, shuffleboard, sticky park benches, fishing, and sno cones. it was HOT, and there was not a girl attending who could honestly use the term "glistening" instead of just straight up "sweating" - but it was incredibly fun, and an awesome way to enjoy all of my family at the same time. this church (River City) and the people that make it, continue to grow dearer to me with each sunday, each event, each dinner and small group. it's unlike anything i've ever known, and once again God's timing leaves me speechless and grateful.

in addition to the picnic and its monumentality, when i came home last night (after my wonderful 20 minute shower), i wrote for three solid hours... i don't know when the last time was that i wrote for three hours, or when i've actually had enough to say that could take three hours to compose. it purged my heart in a distinct way that even tears cannot touch, and after my hand finally went into a cramp from which there was no return, i set my journal down and thought seriously again about beginning to write a book.

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here's my thing about writing a book... is it a self-absorbed endeavor? because inevitably, a lot of the material i would write would take their inspiration from pages of my journals, lines of my songs, thoughts in my head... is that okay? people write all the time, about every topic under the sun - and some of it is brilliant and some of it sucks - but i rarely ever think "oh, that person must be stuck on themselves"... i usually just give them props because they are an excellent writer, and they make me think. the only reason i would write is because i love to write, and i want to get better at it, for the rest of my life. it's the one skill i have that i feel passion to improve. should i put everybody else to the test though, expecting that they will want to read and consider what i have to say? who i am to say anything?

so then i think... maybe i should wait until i'm 50, when i hopefully have all this stock-piled wisdom and tips for living life, and these tried and true lists of why not to order certain things at certain restaurants, and in my opinion which cities really are the top 10 in the world... not that i would actually ever write about those things, but hopefully you see where i'm going with this. or maybe i should at least wait until i'm married and i have a cool last name, maybe even at the beginning of the alphabet, so that when people are in the library searching through the shelves organized alphabetically by author i'll have a better shot at getting discovered than "Mc" will ever afford me...

but then i think about that verse, about not regarding your youth as a reason to fear. and then i think about that other verse, about how none of us are promised tomorrow, and our life is like a vapor. and then i read that other verse about doing whatever you do as excellently as you can, and in the name of the Lord, and for His glory. and then there's that one about letting nothing proceed out of your mouth but that which is good and edifying, for the purpose of leading others to the Way. and the one about building the kingdom here on the earth, with whatever resources you've been given - and how to leverage your resources to grow them and make more from them than what they are on their own.

and the verses about God knowing the desire of our hearts. and creating us in His image. and creating us each unique. and setting us each on a course that is all our own. and how that He writes a purpose on our hearts, and shows us how to actuate that purpose as we seek and ask Him for direction.

and the plain and simple fact that in the entire time since i first became sensitive to the Lord's movement and pursuit of me, He has seemed to always open up my mind and heart to Him any time that i put the pen to the paper.

is that reason enough to at least decide to try? to set aside some time each day, and just finally go ahead and try this?

what if.