steady me

Caedmon's Call has a song called "Valleys Fill First"... I've had the CD since 10th grade, and iTunes tells me i have listened to the song over 153 times. but today it made me cry for the first time.

- - -

"this is the valley that i'm walking through

and it feels like forever since i've been close to You.

my friends up above me don't understand why i struggle like i do

my shadow's my only, only companion - and at night he leaves too.

down in the valley, dying of thirst

down in the valley, it seems that i'm at my worst

my consolation is that you baptize this earth

when i'm down in the valley... valleys fill first

down in this wasteland i miss the mountaintop view...

it's like that long Saturday between Your death and the rising day

when no one wrote a word, wondered is this the end...

but You were down in the well, saving those that fell,

bringing them up to the mountain again."

- - -

i pray so hard to see God... not just the work of His hands, but to see His face. to reach His heart. to feel His presence. i crave to understand what He understands... to not fear, to not worry, to not be like everything i tend to be like. i pray so hard that it hurts my brain, and let me tell you - Chris Carabba's dashboard has nothing on the confessions mine has heard.

and i attempt to fight for joy, like John Piper recommends. and i attempt to praise when the Lord takes away, like Job did. and i attempt to keep my faith, even if it seems as small as a mustard seed. and i lay my anger down before the day ends, just like Solomon wrote. and i love the Lord, my God, with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind.

and i try to be a light in the darkness.

but when the light in my own heart seems so achingly dim... what then? and when the path before me appears as dark as the path of those i would try to lead from the darkness... what then?

- - -

Light of the world... light.

Redeemer... please redeem.

Solid Rock, on which I stand -

steady me.