edge of reason

for years and years i have stood at this edge, anticipating the fall. there have been so many journal entries that i have begun, feeling like my pen was about to take me over the edge of this cliff... and yet the release never came.

over time, the expectant feeling becomes stale. i look back and 25 years have passed. hope and denial sometimes look very similar... you get used to it after a while - the mind and heart not connecting. somewhere along the line, you realize you have no clue what you need or want anymore. all you know is that there is a God who knows.

and every once in a while, you see it on TV.

and every once in a while, you recognize it in a song.

and every single day, you see it in people's eyes.

and one day... when you don't think you're anywhere near the cliff, when you aren't anticipating the fall, when you haven't even been praying for it, when you had no idea you were so close...

there it is.

the edge of reason.

and suddenly... you know.