Food, Health, and Healing

This one's about food. Specifically, it's about healthy eating... sort of... But not only.

Here's my story.

Most of my life, I was one of those girls who could pretty much anything I wanted to, and still remain thin. (I'm not trying to make any enemies here, just keep reading.) I've never been able to rock the size zero skinny jeans, let me assure you - but I was just always petite. I came by it honestly, if you have ever seen my parents.

And I never exercised. I wasn't exactly what you'd call sporty. I tried several sports... once. The only thing that took (briefly) was soccer, because I could run really fast and all my friends played. But that's about the extent of my sports' experience... and my exercise experience, for that matter. Years went by, in roughly this same pattern.

Then... about three years ago, I got my first clue that I had arrived at adulthood. I started having some health-related symptoms come up that were of concern, and began seeking answers. Suddenly, I was hearing doctors ask me questions like, "How often do you exercise?" and "Do you take vitamins?" and "What is your stress level like?" My health issues were not merely diet and exercise related (far from it), but either way, it was a wakeup call. No more taking my health for granted. I got my health back on track, spent some time running, lost some minimal stress-weight, and thought my worries were behind me. Three years ago.

- - -

During the past three years, I have moved to a new city, gotten married, searched for and acquired two new jobs, searched for and found a new church, worked at getting plugged-in to that church, worked at forming new friendships, learned to live with another human being that is a BOY, bought a new house, and I still continue to adjust to a lifestyle that entails my husband traveling often... It's been a lot of changes.

In the midst of all these changes, over the past ten months I began to notice my health and energy levels deteriorating in subtle ways - some of which seemed very familiar to those of three years ago, although much more severe this time around. I had also gained some fairly rapid weight over those months that was very unexpected and unfamiliar, which by itself was proving to be very discouraging and difficult to work off.

The past ten months have been incredibly humbling (and often frustrating), as Tim and I have spent much time addressing each of my symptoms separately, until only recently finding out their connection to one another. During these months, I've grown to depend on the Lord in new ways, and this season has left me grateful for knowledgable doctors, a patient and effervescently optimistic husband, and supportive family, more than ever before. It is definitely just the beginning of a journey, but I've already noticed improvements in my health. (A heart at peace is always good medicine, too.)

- - -

Here's the food part... kinda.

A couple months ago, I hit a breaking point physically (and in turn, emotionally). I had been having severe trouble sleeping, and finally had reached a place where I was not sleeping at all. Tim and I went to see a doctor the next day, and her initial diagnoses was hopeful - but it required some immediate action on my part.

Action like exercising. Daily. And eating healthy. Not only as in "low calorie", but also as in... eating foods that have certain nutrients and things in them that my body isn't producing, for reasons we are still working to uncover. Paying close attention to what vitamins I am taking, and what vitamins are in the food that I'm eating. And habitual exercising. Working up a sweat. Pushing my body, to heal. Pushing my body. To heal.

Only I can do this part, and I have to do it in large part, alone... and that was a lot to handle, initially. With no guarantees of health improvement or correct diagnoses, I was forced into a place of immediate action. Can I admit...? It was terrifying. I cried a lot of angry tears, prayed for a good long time...

And ultimately, surrendered.

I had to surrender my expectations of how my day-to-day life should be and feel right now. I had to surrender my diet. My freedom of choice. (OUCH.) My sleep. My entire body, and its need for healing. My future plans, which the new diagnoses may/may not inhibit from happening. The entire process, present and future... I had to leave it in the Lord's hands. He is a God of healing, and that fact does not change, no matter where this road takes me.

- - -

The incredible news is... as we continue to diagnose and work through everything, I am already noticing small improvements in several ways. I have already lost 7. 5 pounds, in the past three weeks. It has been difficult to maintain a lower-calorie diet, while adding in a brand new exercise routine...  But when I see the weight drop off of me - weight that I was never intended to carry - it has been so refreshing and humbling (do you hear a theme?) to realize how right healthy can feel.

And I am sleeping through the night! (Praise. The. Lord. Not only did insomnia not make for pretty mornings, but it is the scariest, most disorienting thing I have ever experienced.)

Having a specific food, vitamin, exercise, supplement regimen is obnoxious and overwhelming at times - but through all of this, the Lord is helping me to remember that my body is His temple. For the minutes when I lack the motivation to do what needs to be done, it is a bolstering thing to remember - that in my learning self-control, I am becoming more like Him. That in my discipline, I am drawing myself closer to Him. In my need, I am learning how sufficient He is.

- - -

We all go through things that serve as a wakeup call... for me, it has been my health. But ultimately, everything in this life leads us (beckons us, prompts us, guides us) to a God who is stronger, more powerful, bigger, and more eternal than anything else. Than everything else.

Even lately, when at times I have felt extremely alone - He is showing me each night as I lie awake, that I am never alone. Every time, it's a different situation than the one before... yet it is still the same truth and the same goodness that permeates all circumstance.

This time, He is my health and my healing.

Always, He is faithful.