Introversion Aversion

I woke up to the sound of rain on the window. This sound THRILLS me like none other... and it always makes for the start of a good day. My husband laughs at me for this. I laugh at him for many other reasons, so we are even ;) But nonetheless... rainy days get me thinking, like sunshine just quite simply can never do.

Writing and rain go so beautifully together - this I know well. But yesterday, I was told that rain and introversion went together... and that was a first. Is the widespread assumption that introversion is equal to a pervading sense of melancholy around oneself? The comment sent my mind into a self-sustained whirlwind - complete with clutter, flying debris, clouds and haze. In other words... it got me thinking.

Welcome to my head, thanks for stopping in.

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In my last blog post, I wrote a short section that dealt with introversion and some of its influences within my life. I mentioned a few of the ways I have recently tried to align some of its influence, into less of an all-defining arc over my life, and more into a targeted beam that can insert some richness and quality right into the center of it.

This one section alone has prompted several of you to leave comments, or write me an email, with encouragements or questions specifically about introversion and its place; In the world, in the church, as a Christian, in the home, in the family, in the work-force...

And here is what is fascinating:

Everyone seems to know the definition of introversion and extroversion. The dumbed-down versions of these definitions are the most fantastic, and some of my personal favorites... i.e. that introversion means quiet, and extroversion means loud. Very entertaining.

The whole issue of introversion vs. extroversion has even become somewhat of hot-topic lately, with recent books being circulated and published.

A lot of people are taking tests now, to determine if they are an Introvert. There are tons of cute quizzes that ask multiple-choice questions like... "When you wake up in the morning and hear the sound of rain, does this make you excited or depressed?" Or "When you walk into a crowded room, do you suddenly have a resurgence of phobias and emotions that you experienced when you were 2-years old?"

Kidding. But seriously. Click the correct series of multiple-choice options, wait for your test results, and you are proclaimed an introvert.

The multiple-choice tests are definitely not bad, on their own accord. They are a tool to be used, and can accordingly help to build great things... but as with all tools that have a designated purpose, the real issue is not if they have the capacity to build, but what they are building. 

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This will not be a blog about what introversion is or isn't, or how to determine if you are an introvert. If you would like to take a quiz, you can go HERE.

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I've watched the books on Introversion start getting trendy lately... and I've kinda dreaded it. It is one thing for us to be informed and educated - it is another to find yet another scapegoat, another way to socially identify ourselves, outside of the only appropriate context to ever define our identities within - surrendered, undone, at the foot of the Cross. 

And besides... the definitions and understandings of this idea are all over the place. Far too often recently, I'm hearing the term 'Introvert' as a title that is being used to excuse all levels of social awkwardness, to endorse all un-surrendered and un-confessed paranoias, and to retain some semblance of character and enviable qualities attached to one's person (i.e. inner contentment and conscientiousness), while choosing to act on and work at building up none of them within our daily lives. 

Even in obviously Christian circles, you sometimes hear the term tossed around in troubling ways. Introversion is far too often given (by the "Introvert" himself/herself) as the reason for a lack of evidence of Christ's joy in one's life... As if an extrovert is more equipped to take part in abundant life? As if there is an exuberance, a reckless abandon, an excitement and a spirit of adventure that we as introverts can never lay claim to... because this is how we were designed?

I think not. I know not. 

As someone who has struggled (and does still struggle) to fight off these very lies and questions, I must draw a definite line in the sand here. 

'Introversion' and 'Extroversion' are words that we made up, to help describe and to discover. They were never intended to quantify or qualify our capacities, our worth, our strengths, or our callings.

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Christ came to bring us life. All of us. He came that we might know Him - and He is good, and un-tamed, and awesome. He is the source of all energy, all movement, all light, all excitement, and everything else that gives itself to being an 'extroverted' quality (if extrapolated into this context). 

He is not a God for extroverts. He is not a God for introverts. He is a God for people, and if we are His daughters and sons, we all have the same rights to His abundant life. 

I did not understand that, for years. This is what I did understand:

Some of my sweetest times with God, have been in the quiet moments of my life. He was always there, when I struggled with making friends. He never needed an explanation, for why I had no desire to fill up my social calendar. He has seen fit to often show me His beauty especially in the forms of rainy days, nights at home, coffee breaks, long strolls, pages of books, melodies from the piano in my living room, and the way light looks on hardwood floors. And most definitely... I have always been more comfortable in a small group, rather than in a large crowd. 

But people (to this day) are often shocked when I tell them that I am shy. Their eyebrows raise, they roll their eyes, place a hand on my arm and say "REALLY?!" in disbelief. The only conclusion I have ever been able to draw from these interactions is that many people assume that shy people are incapable of having a gracious conversation. It has always baffled me... but I digress.

I shyly tell them, Yes... and then proceed to walk away, with the redness slowly fading from my face.

Often, I used to walk away from interactions like that, feeling a little bit displaced. Even when I was younger, reactions like that would always made me wonder... why do people assume that just because you're shy, you can't be kind and have a gracious conversation? Is this what people expect introverts to act like? Then maybe I'm not introverted... but then why do I have such a hard time making friends? And why does my face always turn red when someone speaks to me? All those questions that matter so much when you are 16, would leave me feeling confused and a bit angry. I felt misunderstood - by others, and by myself. 

The truth is, I was trying to define myself with a definition that was much more narrow than the one God had for me. 

As a 28 year old woman, I can look back and see how many of my relationships and friendships were at times crippled by this lie, and these types of comparisons and calculations. As a 28 year old woman, I am determined to not go another 28 years believing it. 

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People like my husband, my mother, and my friend Amber... these are all people who have in some way, shown me the beauty of what God can use an "introvert" to be, and contribute to His kingdom. But most importantly (and most recently) they have also helped me to see and identify the parts of me that have nothing to do with introversion and extroversion at all. 

They have encouraged me to shake off the labels, and rely on my identity in Christ. To take hold of the abundant life that Christ gives, no matter what it looks like or how it plays out in social interactions... to live a life that exists beyond definition, and breath freely within the joy of God's presence in my life. 

The Lord continues to teach me and humble me in this area, and He may continue to for the rest of my life. It is starting to finally sink in, that although I score extremely high on the "Introversion" side of a man-made test or quiz, it is not meant to qualify or quantify the capacity of who I am, who I can be, or who Christ can show Himself to be in me and in my relationships. 

I wish I had understood this earlier. I'm so grateful that the Lord is teaching me this, now.