the finite and the Infinite

The following are the lyrics of a song that I've had on repeat, quite a lot lately. A song usually makes its way onto my repeat list for its lyrical content, rather than its groundbreaking musical scores or brilliant chord structures - although those things do impact me, and some songs do exemplify both. But most often, it's when truth renders me unguarded and wide open... when another person gives voice to the moans and whispers in my own soul - that the repeat cycle begins. Here is one of those such songs, by Sara Groves, titled 'Finite'. It's from her most recent album, Invisible Empires.

- - - 

I'm not every woman - It's not all in me

I'm proud and guarded - When it comes to my needs

Try to keep the whole thing rolling
Try to keep an on time train
This frenetic fascination's really driving me insane
Anybody feel that? Anybody feel that?
Anybody feel that?

What God meant by woman - I'm hard pressed to find
I'm chasing paper dreams - And a guilt undefined

Fighting to stay younger
Trying to stay thin and in control
Searching for a magic formula
A thing to soothe our souls
Wonderin' where the peace went
Wonderin' where the peace went
Wonderin' where the peace went

I'm finite, I come to an end
I'm finite, I come to an end

Try to keep the whole thing rollin'
Try to keep an on time train
This frenetic fascination's really drivin' me insane
Anybody feel that? Anybody feel that?
Anybody feel that?

I'm finite, I come to an end
I'm finite, I cannot pretend
I'm finite, I come to an end.

- - - 

Indeed.

My brother, Jason, was in town this past weekend - and for the first time in years, I had three whole days in my brother's company. It was an awesome thing - partly because of the person he is and the solid relationship we have always had, and also because of the perfect timing of such a visit in my life, by someone I trust and look up to. 

Jason has always had a calming quality about him... it was always one of those things growing up that I both loved and found unnerving. Unnerving, only because I compared and contrasted myself against him in that way - where I tend to be compelled and shifted by my emotions, he tends to stand a bit steadier. Even if it's just inside my own heart, I tend to be a reactor - I get easily overwhelmed, even if people don't see it manifested in my behavior. Jason tends to be the opposite. He possesses that uncanny ability to process his circumstances quietly inside himself and "just let it roll"... a phrase that sometimes feels so foreign to me. Neither of us are perfect - but it made for a perfect dynamic, growing up in a house together. I learned a lot from watching him live his life, and the Lord was so gracious to allow me to witness on a daily basis, another way to process life than my own. 

As a side note - the irony is not lost on me that my husband tends to be the same way as Jason, in this regard. Tim brings a steadiness to our home, and he keeps me from letting the panic sink in too deep. The Lord definitely has me where He wants me, with both of these guys in my life! As if He wants me to learn something from their example...

- - - 

If you've been following my blogs the past few weeks, you might have noticed a common subject thread - anxiety and worry. Life is a perpetual season of unknowns, and lately I've been grappling with the practical intent of Christ's commands which tell us not to worry about those unknowns, and to cast all our anxious thoughts upon Him. I'm still processing. I haven't figured it all out, by any means. 

But when your calm brother comes into town to stay with you, and you get to talk to him over coffee about real life... you realize in a brand new way, that you aren't alone - because we all are constantly trying to figure all this out. In our different ways, we peruse these frenetic fascinations, and we carry our insights and our longings to the foot of the Cross, every day of our lives... brothers and sisters, men and women... none of us are there yet, new creations though we may be (2 Cor. 5:17). 

It was an aptly placed encouragement, given by an aptly designated person, in an aptly placed time... And I'm grateful. It was a good reminder, that although the unknowns are just exactly that - there are good things to come from them. A future, held and designed by the infinite One who holds us... 

And we all will find safety there.