when times are rough...

and by rough i mean,

when you wish more than anything to disappear or be shown a way through this - when those cute glasses just won't quite cover the fact you've been crying - when people keep asking "are you okay?" although the very fact they are asking you that proves that they already know you aren't okay - when you knock over not one, but two glasses of coveted drink, in less than three hours - when your brain and your heart are in a war, and your actions are the casualty - when God just does not seem quite close enough - when your two year plan just basically laughed in your face and kicked you - when the only one lying to you is you - when everything feels stripped down inside, but love still makes its demands...

when times are rough...

as christians, i think we all know how you are supposed to deal with this, at least initially... you lay it all down. you focus on the Lord, deliberately - much more deliberately than what you have been doing lately. you turn on that praise and worship music, invest some time into a hobby you do that always seems to make Him feel nearer... you go to work, go to school, and try to encounter as few inquiring people as possible until you get through the roughness. you pray pray pray pray pray pray pray. and at a certain point, peace will come...

but i have a really hard time getting to that very last point, on my own.

it's impossible.

there is often a certain point after surrender, after depletion, when the Lord has to give me a little push, to get over it and move on. to rest. to chill. to laugh. to forgive. it's almost like divine permission to not think, for once. He rescues me from myself...

and how does He rescue me?

with peace.

and with cozy pajamas.

and cherry coke and chicken tortilla soup.

and a night with no homework due tomorrow.

and cold misty weather.

and hillsong united.

and playing the piano.

and a letter from a friend.

and of course, a pair of happy socks.