Yes, No, and Multi-tasking

I'm starting to think that perhaps the ability to multi-task isn't a good thing. That quite possibly it's not something to boast or brag about anymore, but rather something to guard against. Here's how I get there...

I've never had to apologize for being fully present, but I've often had to apologize for being only partly present.

I'm starting to think that multi-tasking might be one of those cultural norms I accepted without even knowing it, and next thing you know, I'm wearing jeans that do nothing for my figure and buying gluten-free* cheese puffs and multi-tasking myself right into prematurely graying hair and a caffeine addiction.

Despite how inconvenient it is, the Holy Spirit has been convicting me of this daily for some time now... and it's grown in my heart. I've started to notice how many moments are compromised as a direct result of me being the perfect multi-tasker (AS IF) and lately it's been making me wonder...

How often has my ability to multi-task turned me into somebody less, rather than somebody more? And how often has that compromise negatively impacted the moments God intended to use for His purposes and His glory?

- - -

There will be moments in the grocery store parking lot when I will have 37 bags on one arm and my wiggly daughter in the other, and as I'm trying to find my keys at the VERY BOTTOM OF MY PURSE my cell phone will begin ringing and I will begin (in prayer and supplication with thanksgiving) to beg for the Lord to come redeem His people from this madness.

That is a mommy moment, and isn't the multi-tasking I'm talking about. Life is still life, and some moments are just nuts and always will be. Having a ten month old is wonderful and tough, and juggling 37 grocery bags on one arm is proof that I'm getting better at couponing and lifting absurd amounts of weight.

But there is a difference between life's inherent craziness, and the craziness I add to it by being prideful and frenetic.

I'm convinced of this in my heart and mind, more and more. Scripture confirms it, testimonies of those older than me confirm it, and my own stress level (whether low or high) confirms it.

- - -

I get it. We all have "off-days". Thank you for the encouragement, and the grace. Some days feel shorter than others, and multi-tasking seems to be the only thing that can get you out the door with both shoes on.

I get it. But please understand my heart here... I'm talking about the moments that require me to make a choice - or (perhaps more often) the moments that are a direct result of bad choices I've already made.

There is a difference between having "mommy-brain" and having the consequences of my poor time-management catch up to me. There is a difference between "being busy" and being unable to let my "Yes" be "YES" and my "No" be "NO". There is a difference between praying for a lightened load, and sacrificially offloading some things in obedience to a prayer He already answered in a way I didn't like.

Gulp.

I'm wrestling with these truths daily. They convict me in a way that leaves me feeling jagged and exposed, and learning to apologize to those people you've shortchanged is about as fun as carrying 37 bags of groceries on one arm while trying to answer a cell phone in 1,000 degree weather while your baby girl has a melt-down because you wouldn't give her any gluten-free cheese puffs.

But...

In my heart, I acknowledge that perhaps many of my efforts to multi-task are a smoke-screen for insecurity, immaturity, or a displaced identity.

There is a difference between being fully present and merely appearing to be - and maybe the Lord is currently the only One who can tell the difference when He looks into my heart or your heart. But these things tend to catch up with us like bad fashion trends, and I want to try and get this right.

I've known fullness and emptiness, rest and restlessness, stress and surrender... and I can only speak of what I know, and what I'm learning. I want the peace and abundance that Christ promises we will find in Him, and I want to daily trade in the yoke that is burdensome for the one that is light. Not for my ease, but for His glory.

I want to find rest for my soul, which is offered to me while I abide in Christ... and I'm learning lately that there isn't as much space left there for a perfect multi-tasker as I once might have believed.





* Disclaimer: I am not gluten-free. I do, however, often crave and covet cheese puffs.