on the issue of authority

my husband is playing video games, my father-in-law is watching him play video games, and in between moments of tech-talk, i am looking aimlessly around, wondering how i ended up in a room with two grown men entranced by a video game... i find myself longing for flowers and my mother and my vanilla flavored chapstick, or anything else that will envelop me securely in the joys of my own gender. some moments, you just really need a good pair of obnoxiously pink, fuzzy socks. i am woman, hear me sit quietly, thinking about tulips and lip gloss...

we are all drinking our personalized coffees. mine is an iced cuban, tim's is a straight espresso, and john's (my father-in-law) is steaming black coffee. our apartment smells lovely, in the way that only the pull of espresso could make it. outside our apartment in franklin, there is a fog that has not dissipated during the past 48 hours, and the chill has kept us contentedly indoors. the weather forecast for tonight is imminent severe weather, and i am trying every two minutes not to think about it.

the inhabitants of the apartment upstairs are running around like a stampede has been set loose, and every 60 seconds i wrestle with a increasingly plausible fear that our ceiling will collapse and bring the mayhem upon us. as i have been an apartment dweller for almost 5 years, i am well aware of the rights and wrongs of apartment living... the courtesies, the etiquette, the manners if you will. so it goes without saying that i call these neighbors above me inhabitants, rather than people - for at this moment, i do not understand them much.

i knew when i sat in the church service this morning, that this afternoon would be ripe for writing. this was our second Sunday morning to visit one church in particular, and the pastor once again delivered a thought-provoking message that left my thoughts... provoked. his message was delivered as supplementary context to Luke 20, on the authority of Christ - and it really got my mind working.

- - -

on the issue of authority, we christians all know the basic rule: obey your authority, as it is (usually) part of a God-given system of order. proper authority, used its proper place, is not to bind us or inhibit us, but to free us. let's face it - there are so many days that i am grateful for the lack of responsibility i have - the lack of authority i have - in certain areas of my life! i am relieved sometimes that other people can and do provide me with instructions, rather than endless creative reign... i would be frozen with the magnitude of all the possibilities, in a way that would alter me ineffective to accomplish any particular one of them. *this is only me speaking personally - i know there are many of you out there who do not share this fear, and i am relieved to have you as my friends and encouragers!* in our homes, our jobs, our communities, our world... proper, God-designed and God-given authority is healthy, and it is created for our good.

but on the authority of Christ... i find that we, as christians, seem to get confused and disillusioned about the basic rules:

God is God - I am not. He is the supreme authority, over all. If I claim that He is my Savior, His nature cannot be divided against Himself - and therefore, He must also be my Lord. If I do not serve Him, I work against Him. If I resist His authority, I am not truly free.

it is easy to agree with these things on a Sunday morning. we bow our heads in the comfort of community, and affirm along with the angels that He is the Sovereign Lord of all. it is also easy to agree with these things when God is not in a dramatic moment prompting us to relinquish control of a specific decision - when it is more of a hypothetical circumstance, a theological confession - rather than a split-second decision to surrender all or nothing at all. this morning, i began thinking about those moments in my life when i fail to acknowledge Christ as the ultimate authority - instead of relishing the sweet relief that could exist in me when He takes control, i often find myself resisting His hand.

i resist it under the guise of "my personality". i resist it by mentally countering with thoughts beginning with "well, logically..." i resist it idolizing my emotions. i resist it by disobedience. i resist it because in my sin, i do not fully comprehend the freedom that comes from resting under the authority of a good God - One who is merciful and loving, who gives good things to and withholds no good thing from His children.

in Matthew 28:8, Jesus said: "All authority has been given to me in Heaven and on Earth." and this very authority is the thing that allows Him to be not just our Lord, but also our Savior! only One with complete authority could conquer death and breathe life into those of us that were lost. when i resist His authority in the seemingly mundane moments of my days, i am passing up opportunities to be fully free...

thought-provoking, indeed.

- - -

the bullets are still flying on the video game, although the tech-talk has ceased. my phone is blowing up with text messages, as some of my girl friends try to coordinate our plans this week. my iced cuban is slowly watering down, motivating me to remember its existence in the glass at the foot of this sofa, leaving a watermark on the carpet... and i am thinking about how i want to be better at all this tomorrow - this living and enjoying life. i am thinking about how grateful i am for a God who is both Savior and Lord, who by His authority longs to free me within this life that He died to provide.