Adventure

On our way home from a New Year's Eve party with friends last night, I asked Tim what his one word for 2011 would have been - one word that encapsulated the highs and lows, the thread that made it all come together for him. After a moment of thinking about it, he said that his one word (or phrase) would be "growing up". It's been a year of new responsibilities for him, of parting with old ways, learning how to love, prepare for and provide for someone in addition to himself. It's been a year of growth - arguably more in this one year than ever before. When I think back over these past ten months with him, I can wholeheartedly agree with his perceptions - it's been a big year, and I am so proud of him. Growing up, indeed.

And of course, the question came to me as well - what is the one word that I feel most wholly considers and does justice to all that has occurred in 2011?

My word would be adventure. It's a new word for me to use when describing my own perception of my life, as I've always wrestled with timidness in my spirit through every season and year I can remember. The Lord, ever the same and faithful, has always provided a spirit of adventure and courage for the moments I've needed it - but I would not say that I have been adventurous, as a whole person. For me, courage is a grace that I seem to taste just often enough to relish when it does come - and the adventures it leads to always seem a bit foreign and uncomfortable to my sensible, grounded mind.

I think it's because I've always perceived the word "adventure" to be synonymous with things like extreme sports and rock climbing, of travels around the world and drastic encounters with God. I think of roughing it in the mountains with only one pair of clothes and a pocket knife, or choosing to pursue some ludicrous calling that takes me into jungles where 1,000 foot snakes abound like ants... I think of being taken captive and held hostage, and yet living to speak of it. Of sky diving and deep sea diving, of non-stop discovery and risk-taking.

And as long as that is my view of adventure, I will have a seemingly lame life - because I will never have a desire to pursue any of the above, over the option of reading and writing and playing piano... I will always be bent to let the world sink into me, rather than willingly sinking myself into the world. I'm scared of heights, and speed, and hurling my body off of things.

So much for adventure, then... right?

2011 has proved me wrong, and my heart takes great courage in this faithfulness of God - in opening my eyes to see what a true adventure is, taking its place on the plains and in the skies of heart, rather than a physical world.

All year long, I have made a seemingly ludicrous chain of choices - ludicrous in the sense that I felt them inconsistent with anything I would ever have courage to do - and they have been rewarded with greater joys than I could have ever imagined. I have known my husband for only 10 months... 4 of which, we have been married. Adventure. Huge step of faith... and it's been incredibly humbling. Could it be that the true adventure all this time, has actually been resting in the promises of God? Resting and trusting that He alone provides clarity, and His wisdom is not the world's wisdom. Going against the logic so tempting in my own mind, and choosing to dream big. Could it be that all the things I love most in this life - the moments of quiet, the written words, the scents and tastes of home... they were synonymous to adventure all along?

For they are the very things God has used most, to prepare for all the leaps that 2011 required. I have not had to be anyone other than Lauren... and my sweet Savior has provided the adventure.

2012... In my heart, I can finally breathe deep and say:

Thank you, Lord. I am ready.