365 / Days of Plenty

Autumn has finally arrived in Franklin - and whether or not it is yet here for good, I am thoroughly enjoying it today. As I'm sure I have in common with many of you, one of my favorite things in this entire world is when the trees become like a box of crayons against the sky. I love being the moving warmth walking as a current through the cold - knowing the contrast of the temperatures with every step, nature's flirtatious tease before the frigid cold. As I walked through those so poetically-esteemed falling leaves this afternoon with some friends at the Franklin 'Pumpkinfest', I smiled to myself and took in a deep breath... I am happy to know the Lord who is life, and I am happy to dwell inside that life He gives today.

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The past few days, I have noticed a subtle sinking in. It's as if the blessings of the past 365 days are finally beginning to feel real instead of like a dream - new habits are forming, new knowledge learned, and I am recognizing anew the astonishingly consistent grace that God has poured into and over my life.

365 days ago, I remember all too vividly the state that my heart and my life was in... Not too pretty. Those of you who hunkered down and really walked with me through that valley will find it no surprise when I confess that time to be imprinted on my heart as the loneliest and most confusing season of my life. When I think of all that my life was such a short time ago, I feel my heart beat faster and my spirit grow cold still remembering the loneliness I knew, the fear I felt. I share this because I learned then (and I especially know now) that I was not alone in that valley, and that there still are others whom I know that remain in similar valleys. I pray for your hearts, as you daily prayed for my own. It is true, that for everything there is a time - and what a change time has allowed upon my life.

Now, I have been married two months. Can't believe it. Happy. Clear-headed (arguably!) Living in a different city, with days that consist mainly of small pleasures and victories shared with a friend I waited almost 27 years to find. Peering back into the "thick of things", I had no idea that all those lonely nights would form such a testimony and foundation now that I am daily living out my 'to have and to hold' vow. The disciplines I learned over the past three years, the joys I fought for, the battle I fought against fear and idleness - the wisdom God saw fit to provide during those times has in large part been most of what I've needed to survive the adjustment stage of marriage. For example:

When shoes don't put themselves back in the closet, or money must be monitored more, or when cooking takes so much more precious time than takeout, or when toothpaste begins living in places besides the tube, or when football is scaring me out of the living room, or when goodbyes must be said much more than i'd like, or when coffee becomes the connecting point in overly busy days... in the back of my heart, I have this captive knowledge: I know how blessed I am to have this man beside me. I know God's love in brand new small, huge ways. In bursting smiles, picnics on the floor, and the smell of Burberry cologne.

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As I bring myself back down to earth...

What sinks into me even more than the remembrance of all these things, is that even as I sit here happy and fulfilled, not for one second should I believe that I have arrived - the sword of the Spirit can never be let go of, nor the shield of faith set aside. I must constantly be joyfully preparing for the arrival, but I have not arrived. My responsibility at the end of this happy day is to pray and seek, just as much as if I felt empty inside. My commission is to read and study, to be still and know, to crave and cherish, to desire more of Christ in my life. For the valleys that still lie ahead, for the Winter months that someday will follow... Lord, may my heart still listen keenly to Your voice in times of plenty.

In the dark, I learned to cry out His name.

In the light, I praise Him for it.

Thankful for His blessings,

Lauren