Drawing Closer

Around October of last year, I had an inconvenient thought cross through my mind. At first, I pushed it away. But it kept coming back, over the course of days and weeks. I began to pray about it sincerely, and discussed it with my husband. It's a small choice that I pray will have gigantic impact on my life, my relationship with the Lord, my family, and our home. 

For 2022, I'm giving up books. Not every single one, but at least over 70% of the books I've read for the past decade of my life (according to my Goodreads statistics). I'm giving up fiction, nonfiction, historical biographies, and even devotionals. Instead, I'll be using my time to more deeply study the Bible, as well as read books that delve specifically into systematic theology and Christian apologetics. 

I'm two weeks into the year, and it already has required a lot of personal discipline... and it's only January 14th! So I do ask that you would pray for me, as I endeavor to follow the straight and narrow in this new way. 

But the thing that's already become precious to me, is that what started a couple months ago as an idea I didn't even want to consider has quickly become a gratification of the growing desire of my heart. The past two years have been unique and challenging, and our family (as well as many others) has been thrown a few curve-balls we weren't expecting. For all the ups and downs though, it has made my life's focus and heart's desire more singular... and for that, I'm grateful to God. 

Last year, many of my journal entries were filled with a vague dissatisfaction; not with my family, not with Christ, but with my own lack of vision. I'm homeschooling our children, and enjoying it immensely. I have no other "side-gigs" needing my attention right now, and am largely in control of our schedule, curriculum, and extracurriculars. I'm happy, but at times, I've also felt restless. I've stayed faithful to the things I knew the Lord wanted me to remain faithful to, and have continued to pray. 

And then, that inconvenient thought that entered my mind last October: what if I were to give up all other reading, except studying the Bible and apologetics for a year? 

When the Holy Spirit started impressing that idea on me, it didn't take long to recognize that the restlessness was a hunger. Hunger to know more of God's Word, to take a deeper dive. To make it more integrated in my daily life. To make the time I need, by giving up something else. Ever since making the decision, the restlessness I've been feeling for over a year has been replaced with excitement and relief! So... here we go!

I desire to love the Lord, with my full life. I desire to teach and train my children to long for Christ, as a deer pants for water. So in this one clear, small way, I am striving to draw closer to the Lord I love - and I'm excited to see what the year will bring!