A Step Forward

"Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." (Psalm 119:105)

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Recently, our church hosted a six-week women's Bible study on the book of James. It was thorough, intense, and wonderful. The opportunity to have in-depth conversation about Scripture with other ladies was invaluable. It was also the confirmation I needed, to take a step forward.

For over a year, the Lord has been convicting me about something specific. I've increasingly seen instances in my own life and in the lives of fellow Christian brothers and sisters, where the truths of Scripture are either 1) not known, 2) being misinterpreted, or 3) being mis-used or applied falsely.

It's made me angry - especially the last one. It's made me scared. But the Lord has used those emotions over the past several months to both wear down and embolden my heart, creating a readiness.

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I watch my daughter play, and I wonder about all the wisdom it will take to raise her in this world... wisdom I don't have. The tact certain discussions will demand, the creativity I'll need as a mom, the patience, the resources we'll need as a family, the boldness, the love. I want to raise a daughter who loves God with her whole heart and pursues Him in obedience, holding nothing back, no matter the cost... but I can't do it, without the Lord.

I look at my husband working so hard and joyfully to provide for our family, and I want to love him better. Some days, he and I are a winning team - but there are times when we work hard just to remember we aren't enemies. There's an increasing urgency in my spirit to make our home together a place where Christ is glorified, but some days just feel so short, and I lack the energy to construct a sanctuary. All I want is a back rub, and a date night with my husband. I can't do this, without the Lord.

Sometimes I feel like I'm watching my home country slide into a pit, and nowhere feels fully safe anymore. I get overwhelmed with thoughts about all the different things that could go wrong, and find myself turning off the TV in disgust or fear. I get tired of seeing sex everywhere. I get tired of hearing curse words. I get tired of social media, political rants, and self-absorbed venting. I get tired of christians not acting any different.

I increasingly long for a home I've never seen, but I'm still here. I crave eternity, but I'm still being given time and days and hours to steward righteously.

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The Lord has continued (increasingly) to impress on me that a deeper understanding and application of the Word of God is vital to improve all of the above - and not merely to improve the circumstances, but to turn them inside out and claim them for eternity, in Jesus' name.

This isn't anything new, nor is it a unique revelation - but the Lord has been stirring the embers, and my heart has needed to respond. He continues to make clear that this is a passion I'm not only supposed to pursue personally anymore, but also share with others... and sometimes sharing comes by leading.

In response to those promptings, I've begun a small Bible reading group, with a few friends at my church. It's a step of faith for me, and although it's old-hat to some, I've never led anything like this before... so I'm insecure, but also excited. Obedience is one step at a time, and that's all I'm doing - but may the Lord's strength be made real in my weakness, and may the truth of His Word be the light that leads me.

"For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light..." (Proverbs 6:23)

"In Your light, we see light."  (Psalm 36:9)