Three Weeks.

Three. This number courses through my mind, again and again. Three weeks.

Without him here. Gulp.

It's a balancing act, always... these preparations, for this admittedly not-so-fun part of the touring lifestyle. This "gearing up" for the separation. Three weeks of FaceTime, and hearing his voice over a phone instead of across the room... oh, the distance heard between those two sounds. Three weeks without his silliness, his presence in our home, the sounds of him in the kitchen.

The optimistic, wise, annoyingly chipper part of my brain chimes in with its always-timely perspective: we've done this before and survived!

But it was hard. The other part. The part that often feels more real. The part that reaches for good perspectives, but sometimes falls just short of reaching them...  the part that leads me to my knees before God.

Throughout the past three years, we have waded through these waters several times. The Lord always gets us through! I always end up learning a lot, and accomplishing a lot. And yes, it always aches.

I realize it again each time, how much we have become intrinsically one throughout the past few years. Although we are as different as night and day, we are one... I can't comprehend the mystery of that, even on my best day. But I feel its truth.

When he is sleeping on a bus, and I'm sleeping at home... I know it is as true as the emptiness on his side of the bed. When I hear about what he is experiencing on the road, and his victories are my own! When I walk outside to get the mail, and see the Costco catalog and suddenly miss him so bad I can't breathe. When we pray together over the phone, and I know that this is the point. This drawing together, in need, in hope, in promise. No matter the circumstances, this never changes.

Marriage... you astound me. Maker of marriage... You astound me, even more.

There are days, I don't know how to do this well. Some days, I fail stupidly and miserably. But there are also many days when I taste joy in ways I never knew I could. When we are separated, yet not separate. This oneness we are, because of Christ.

Three weeks, of pondering this mystery. Three weeks, of having someone to miss this much.

Some days it will be easier than others. And other days, I will wear glasses to cover my swollen eyes. But into God's promise, we fall again, and again... and that is always the point, no matter the circumstances.

This is the beautiful part of the touring lifestyle, and the things it has taught us, and is teaching us once more. That God truly is everywhere, and that He unites us. That He is enough for us. That we are not alone, or separate, any longer.

Three weeks! Three weeks. Both parts equal. Both parts good.

Both parts grateful for a God who unites, has a purpose for, and sustains both parts of me.