Restful Travels

Being married to a man who travels a lot requires me to engage a lifestyle of dichotomy. Every marriage is different, with its own unique privileges and challenges - and ours happens to be a lifestyle of contrasts. Finding a balance is vital to our emotional health as a couple, and our spiritual health as well.

Here's what I mean by all that...

When I tell people that my husband is "working", it often means that I haven't seen him in several days. When he's working, that means he is out of town. He could be across the world, or just a couple hours up the road - but regardless, when he is away at work, it means that we sleep in separate beds, keep separate schedules, with technology and faith binding us together for periods of time.

That is one part of our lifestyle. It's the part that challenges me most to trust in God's sufficiency and presence, above all. It also allows me the opportunity to cultivate some rich friendships, and to read a lot of books (which is my favorite thing in the world). It's the part that keeps bread on our table, coffee in our cups, and my husband happy in a vocation he loves.

The other part of our lifestyle though, is equally extreme. When I tell people that my husband is "home"... it means that he is home, at our house, sometimes not going anywhere away from me for a few days. (Except to Costco, inevitably.) He has an office upstairs, a schedule that he controls, giving us freedom to have "date-nights" at 3:00 in the afternoon. We're that couple who can (and does) take advantage of matinee priced movies, happy-hour priced menus, and the glorious (though temporary) availability of coffee-shop tables afforded us by the working schedules of the majority.

That part of my life teaches me to appreciate the little things... it has instilled in me a discipline of cherishing moments. It keeps me feeling young, builds in a lot of variety into our life, and allows us a lot of quality time together.

It's a great life, with some extreme highs and lows - and as with any lifestyle of dichotomy, it demands that my husband and I learn the art of balance. Quite honestly, we have found it an extremely difficult balance to accomplish consistently without the Lord's grace and mercy. But after two and half years of marriage, we've learned a few things that we can do for one another that help us find a balance between the two extremes of our lives: the 'together' and the 'apart'.

One of these things is... whenever either of us goes to coffee while he is out of town, we try to include each other in those moments as best as we can. Whether it's through a photo, text, or phone call - we try to stay connected. Going on coffee breaks is how we met, and one of the things we love doing together when he is home. This small effort to include one another in these moments while we're apart is a tiny way to bridge the gap between together and apart.

Another way is to be reading the same devotional book together, or work through a passage of Scripture together. This sometimes means that we buy two copies of a book, if we know we will be apart for extended periods of time... but this small investment keeps our thinking aligned with one another, and it helps our conversations have purpose at the end of the day.

There are a lot of other little things we've learned to do, to bridge the gap and maintain the balance... but definitely the most significant thing in our lives that has kept us thriving and connected, is our decision to invest in traveling together.

Although Tim travels for a living, we have found ways to plan trips together that actually guard him from burn-out. When planning any personal trip or vacation, we try to stay away from itineraries. (Not always easy for two planners, but it's worth it!!) We choose places that will build-in rest for us... especially for Tim. We often prioritize scenery over activities, and prime location over cost. (We then offset that cost by choosing to walk instead of drive once we reach our destination, if at all possible.)

 Every couple's travel priorities are different, but these are some things that works best for us.

Because we have seen firsthand that traveling together binds us and allows us to rest as a couple more than any other activity, we have chosen to allocate a portion of our income and time towards taking road-trips, weekend retreats, and even extended international vacations. It's an investment that always leaves us feeling refreshed, together, and better prepared for those times when we will once again be apart.

This past weekend, we took one such weekend retreat. We rented a cabin about an hour and a half away, and completely disconnected for a couple days. Surrounded by nature, it's nearly impossible for my mind not to settle into rest... away from distraction, able to engage in the quiet activities I enjoy, with my husband by my side... it's my version of paradise. The spiritual retreat we find in those moments is soul care that cannot otherwise be purchased or acquired.

Now that we are back in our normal routine and Tim is preparing for another large tour coming up, I'm grateful for the chance to get away and focus on the things that are important to me... my walk with Christ, my marriage to Tim, and my love of reading, writing, and studying God's Word.

Where does your soul find its rest? I encourage you to think about it, and prioritize whatever it is that makes your breathing easier... whatever makes you see Christ clearer, cherish your relationships more, and feel freedom inside your heart.

Wherever that takes you... Happy travels.