September: Month of Discipline

It's finally here... September. For weeks now, I've emotionally stalled out with trepidation at the thought of this particular month. The calendar mocks me, with all of its remaining 24 days of 24 hours each. All those empty boxes, waiting there, looming before me with untapped opportunities.

A touch dramatic? Perhaps. I'll explain more in a moment.

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I have nothing personal against September. When I was in school, I adored thoughts of September - it came to me every year, resting on a bed of school supplies, new classes, cardigans, and syllabi. It was summer's last effort in its autumnal resistance, and I would wait with anticipation for the temperatures to coast down to comfort, and for the colors of the leaves to warm. Septembers were months full of change, but also full of opportunity - and at the time when the first leaves began to turn and change and die, there was in contrast, a blossoming of me.

So many September mornings, I would walk across my university campus, glad to be back, and look up at the trees against the sky... and I would know that Autumn was coming, and I would be so content in my heart with all that was to come. I truly loved school, and when I was free to enjoy it, I also truly loved my life. School was one of those places where there was a reward system for being me... a good student, a person who enjoyed routine, a girl who felt safer in a book than in a crowd. I could work as hard as I wanted, and there would be a proportionate grade to match my efforts.

I miss that about school... particularly now, as an adult, when Septembers aren't as spelled out and outlined as before. When there isn't a freshly printed syllabus, telling you when the tests will be, or what topics you'll be studying this semester. It's still me though - and I'm still excited to learn, and I'm still looking up at the trees against the sky this September, wondering, waiting... ready.

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So here is why I'm having a more difficult time with September this year.

This September marks the beginning of a season largely spent, at least geographically,-apart from my husband. Fall tours have begun! The traveling is intense, but the guys in the band (and definitely the cute guy who manages them) are suited for both the work and the ministry behind it. For Tim's sake, I've been looking forward to September - it marks the beginning of a season of productivity, for him. He gets to do a ton of the work he loves and is great at, with people that he enjoys. He's in great hands, and without question that is a HUGE blessing as I strive to make my peace with those inevitable goodbyes that September is made of... welcome to the life of this wife.

Enter, the struggle. For those of you who know me, this will come as no surprise - but as an adult, I've sometimes struggled with loneliness. Seems like a disastrous setup, when my husband's job keeps him on the road a lot... right? But as I've continued to walk with the Lord, I see more clearly that this loneliness is a spiritual warfare on my heart, and it is a lie that I need to continuously and consistently be disciplined to fight against. Not passively accept.

Discipline. There's another word for it, too... Self-control.

Discipline does not always mean going without something - sometimes the most uncomfortable disciplines are those that make us go do something. Disciplines like studying, or exercising... or sometimes, even more subtle things. This is what I'm really praying about, while Tim is away:

For me, it is not enough to merely go hang out with people. It is not enough to merely keep one's hands from being idle - nor is it enough to just go try something new, for the sake of it. The disciplines Christ calls us to are not empty of purpose or intention, or cognizance. Too often, we take the easy way out in the name of 'keeping busy'... for me, a wife of a husband who will be away a lot in the next couple months, I will do myself an incredible dis-service if I merely keep myself busy. No! The Lord has really been impressing on my heart lately, the need for some specific disciplines back in my life. With September (and to be honest, all of October too) stretching out before me, I need to nurture that fruit of the Spirit called self-control and re-engage myself into the world around me.

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For me, this means that I need to add some to-do lists back into my life.

I need to take care of my body, and work out daily. I need to drink more water. Take my vitamins. I need to spend some major time playing the piano and guitar, every day. I need to write until my hands are sore, the way I used to, purging my thoughts onto paper. Take long drives in my car, and sing. Get back in the habit of enjoying what I love, with no comparisons allowed. I need to pick up the phone and call those friends, and hang out at times that are inconvenient for me. I need to discover someplace else to hang out, other than my comfort zone. Try that bible study at church. Not for the sake of keeping busy while Tim is away... but for the sake of growing closer to, of maintaining my pace towards, and of keeping my eye on those goals that Christ continues to set before me.

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Self-discipline is one of those things they don't teach you in school. It's impressed upon you by the necessity of managing homework and class schedules, between sleeping and eating... but there is no course on how to form good habits. Fortunately, I have a wise dad, who throughout my life has commonly and emphatically endorsed the necessity of forming good habits... well, this one is for you, Dad. For I am in a season of life that demands some good habits - and I am daily praying for wisdom in forming them. I am praying that the Lord will help me discipline my heart once again to seek diligently after those things that are good, instead of passively keeping busy and accepting anything else that seems okay.

With all that being said...

Prayers appreciated, and may September go by quickly

:)