Invitations

When you're away from home, you always seem to forget that it will once again be like this... Paris, a memory, already complete - and after all those months of planning and dreaming, you're back again where you were before you left. This isn't particularly a bad thing or a good thing - this returning to the center of gravity - it isn't really in a category at all... it's just a feeling. A feeling of thankfulness for the things here at home that you're glad to have again; a feeling of loss for the things that you discover home doesn't quite have, now that you've returned to it with fresh perspective.

You have guessed correctly, that there is a shadow of the melancholy in my tone today - I admittedly am missing that rapturous freedom one finds themselves living more fully within, when away from one's own city... but the coming home is a very sweet place, and the Lord always meets me here upon my return.

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The minute we got home from our trip, it was very tempting to begin planning the next thing. Where should we go next? When can I get off work again? Let's check airline prices... and away we all go, pursuing what is next. It is often easier to plan another trip, than to re-engage with what is here, waiting to be discovered and understood.

And in these moments, I wonder - how much of my life has been spent waiting for what is next? What eventually develops into a freedom, first must start as a discipline - choosing to live in moments, rather than wishing them away in search of something grander. I am bad at this, I admit! I've never completely grasped how to do it. I am conscious of moments, and conscious of their passing... because I am a very conscious person, as a general rule. But consciousness is not the same thing as living - and how often, I get the two confused.

When Christ said that He was the Way, the Truth, and the Life... and that no man can come to the Father, except through Him (John 14:6) - I don't believe that He was only stating a doctrinal fact. I believe, wholeheartedly, that He was also providing us with a north star, when we cannot find our way. For example - when we cannot find our way, He has stated that He is our way... if we seek Him, we will find our way. When we cannot find out what is true, He has stated that He is the truth... if we seek Him, we will find truth. And when we cannot figure out what it means to live - not just be conscious of moments going by, but engage them fully with joy - He is life, gives us life, makes us alive, and shows us how to live.

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One evening while we were in Paris, Tim and I ate at a quaint restaurant near our hotel... I cannot remember the name, but I remember the way the place looked when you walked by it at all times of the day. I remember the way the sunlight hit the vases of flowers on the tables, and the glasses filled with white wine. I remember the burgundy awning strung with lights that covered the outdoor patio. The people who dined there, with an elbow casually on the table, talking animatedly in a charming language I couldn't understand, waving around an occasional utensil, holding a bite of something divine... Finally one evening, we submitted to the intrigue, and asked for a menu. I remember the foie gras ravioli in mushroom sauce, the fresh slices of bread, the chicken in lemon cream sauce... the closeness I felt with Tim at the table as we couldn't decipher the waiter's speech - as we kept reaching for each others hands under the table, holding back our laughter - as we tossed our white linen napkins down onto the table with a contented sigh, and leaned back in our chairs to watch the people walking by.

I remember that moment specifically, because while I was in it, I realized I was... and I hung on, for all I was worth. I opened my eyes wider, I prayed for the Lord to show me how to draw every bit of life from that moment... and He did. I remember every taste, every smell, the way the breeze blew the scrap of paper across the street from our table, and the way Tim's wedding ring looked on his hand when he reached across the table for the check. It is a moment that is dear to me, and there is something in me that grew a little bit more during that hour... the Lord met me there, somehow, and opened my heart wider to let life in.

It left me full. It left me wanting, still. It quenched a thirst in me, yet made me crave another drink. And now I am back home, remembering.

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Our friends, Nick and Allison, will be moving away from Nashville soon - and I cannot imagine what our life will be without them. One year ago, I did not know Allison - now, one year later, I know that she has impacted my life forever. When I try to contemplate the next season of Tim's and my life here in Franklin without Nick and Allie, I admit there is a place in my heart that feels shadowed - there is a feeling of loss coming soon, and a part of me is already wrestling against it. But in this season of transition, I want to live. I don't want these last few months with our dearest friends to be wasted, by fearing what will come next... no! I want to cherish this friendship, speak encouragement into another life, show all the love I can, and receive all the joy that still waits to be mine.

Everywhere I look, there is another invitation to discover life. Not just be conscious of it... discover it. Know it. Feel it, and love it. Everywhere I am, everywhere I go... He is there waiting to prepare me for whatever I find in those moments.

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It is a choice... a discipline. Choosing to not only be present, but to allow moments to mean something to us, as we live in the Spirit of Christ. This is a way of life we are called to, of richness, and beauty, and always that more that we can't quite imagine, but want so dearly. Whether it is coming back home after a perfect trip, or walking towards a place unknown... whether it means taking in all the details, or choosing to let go of a few of them... He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life - and He invites us to discover it.