the fiery cloud

"... so the Tabernacle was set up, and on that same day the cloud covered it. Then from evening until morning, the cloud over the Tabernacle appeared to be a pillar of fire. This was the regular pattern - at night the cloud changed to the appearance of fire. When the cloud lifted from over the sacred tent, the people of Israel followed it. And wherever the cloud settled, the people of Israel camped. In this way, they traveled at the Lord's command and stopped wherever he told them to. Then they remained where they were as long as the cloud stayed over the Tabernacle. If the cloud remained over the Tabernacle for a long time, the Israelites stayed for a long time, just as the Lord commanded. Sometimes the cloud would stay over the Tabernacle for only a few days, so the people would stay for only a few days. Then at the Lord's command they would break camp. Sometimes the cloud stayed overnight and moved on the next morning. But day or night, when the cloud lifted, the people broke camp and followed. Whether the cloud stayed above the Tabernacle for two days, a month, or a year, the people of Israel stayed in camp and did not move on. But as soon as it lifted, they broke camp and moved on. So they camped and traveled at the Lord's command, and they did whatever the Lord told them through Moses."

Numbers 9:15-23

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For the Israelites, as they were sojourning through the wilderness to the land God promised, the presence of God dwelt in the Tabernacle. Throughout the books of Exodus, Leviticus and Numbers, God gives explicit instructions to Moses and the Israelites about the house He would like designed for Himself to dwell inside. Upon its completion, the Tabernacle existed as the place where the Lord could dwell - and the inner room became the place where He would communicate His instructions to His people, through the intercessors He chose. His presence was a hallowed - a revered - thing, and since it was still the Old Testament, Christ had not come yet to create accessibility to God, through Himself on the Cross. Not just anyone could speak with God, or have access to the holy things He had set apart. As a people daily seeking to travel in the right direction, they needed some way to know where God would have them go.  If the people wanted to know which way to travel or which way to live, they had to send a representative into the 'Holy of Holies' inner room, and discover the will of God.

The Tabernacle served as both the place they could discover God's will, and also the place where He was. 

In His mercy, God made both His will and His presence clear to the Israelites, by taking the form of a fiery cloud that rested upon the Tabernacle (the place where He dwelled). In this way, they could know in complete security, not only where He was, but also where He wanted them to go. In this way, He would guide them to the land He had promised to them... He would guide them to their inheritance, by way of Himself.

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In my life, the Lord's presence has taken many forms.

I see His presence in the hearts of the people I love, who seek to emulate Him - people like my husband, my parents and my brother, friends and teachers. I sense His presence in the world around me - both the natural world and the world we have built with our intelligence, given to us by the hands of God. Wind and stars whisper to me of His existence, order and structure and design explain to me various facets of His nature. I feel His presence when I am weak and alone, searching for answers in darkness - and I feel His presence when I am laughing, when I am in love, when my heart is full to the point of exploding.

I know His presence when I see things changing around me. Situations that shouldn't change, all of a sudden begin changing. Structures that have no earthly foundation suddenly rise up and stand. Our world is destroyed and ravaged, yet hope finds a way to grow back in our hearts.

His presence takes many forms, and it permeates into the deepest places, the most complex workings, the darkest of hearts.

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But even though I often feel His presence, I sometimes remain unsure of which way I should go.

I kmow where He is. I know that unlike the Israelites, He does not dwell any longer in a Tabernacle built by hands - He dwells inside me, in my heart. He is dwelling in my mind, my soul, every part of me is claimed by Him... but still - where should I go?

Left or right, straight towards or around... I am unsure what I should speak, and how I should speak it, and when I should speak it. I am unsure of how to enrich my relationships, how to build bridges and maintain them, how to love openly yet wisely, holding nothing back but holding my God as first above all. I am sometimes unsure of which principles to stand up for in my workplace. Unsure of which laws are of God, and unsure which laws are of man. I am unsure of how to pay due allegiance, yet still uphold Christ as my only true authority. And it works its way into my meals, my closet, my computer, my bank accounts... this wondering, what would He have me do, and say, and own, and be?

And there are times when I wish it could still be as simple and clear as seeing a fiery pillar that stays upon the place where He dwells, moving me and guiding me on or keeping me still in the security of His presence.

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But... here is the truth I so often forget. The Way is no less clear than it has ever been - and He still resides in a Tabernacle, although its place and form have changed. For when He fulfilled the Old Testament law by offering Himself as propitiation in the New Testament, He did not leave us empty-handed or unguided. He no longer takes the form of a fiery cloud, but He has left us with the Holy Spirit within our hearts, and with the Word of God.

We are the ones who fail to listen... or we have forgotten how to hear. We fail to read the Word, meditate on it, and let it make our paths straight. There is so much written in Romans (and throughout the entire New Testament) about how clarifying and enlightening, how stark and appealing the Holy Spirit is intended to be in our lives. Here are merely a few examples:

The Holy Spirit fills our hearts with love, and keeps us aware of God's love for us (Romans 5:5) This is the foundation, our identity, the starting place from which all our actions begin. He causes us to think about the right things (Romans 8:5). The Holy Spirit helps us in our distress, and intercedes for us when we do not know what to pray (Romans 8:26) He pleads for us to God, in harmony with God's own will, ensuring that we remain with Him (8:27). The Holy Spirit helps us to live out goodness, peace, and joy during the day (14:17). And in all the moments that we still have trouble finding our way... the Holy Spirit helps us to hope, and to remember the power, the sufficiency, and the absoluteness of the God whose presence is always and forever in our hearts (15:13).

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About five years ago, I had been working through a similar thought process as this... I had recently graduated college, degree in hand, and as so many in my same circumstance, I had no clue where to go with my life from that moment. I wanted to be married, but I had just broken up with a boyfriend. I wanted to be successful, but didn't have a particular desire to use my brand new degree. I had no aspirations at that time other than to find out "the will of God" and where He wanted me to be, to work, to minister, etc...

I remember reading about the Israelites, five years ago... reading this same passage (as above) and wanting to see God as clearly as they were allowed to back then.

Just as He has done today, He reminded me then of His presence in my life, and the joy, the power, and yes - the clarity that He longs to provide me with moment by moment, through His Holy Spirit. As I often tend to do... I wrote out my thoughts on paper. Here is the truth that He spoke to my heart then... here is the truth that I still strive to cling to, even until this present day as I sit here learning it all over again.

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

- - -

Here and there and back again, 
is where I've been - 
yet still I haven't lost You. 
You're right by my side.
And yet, still before - and yet, still behind. 
My cloud by day, my fire by night. 
Each time I sit, each time I rise... 
You are there.
And herein lies my epiphany,
that just because You never change, 
doesn't mean You never move.
And no matter where I go... 
whether high, or to the lows - 
You'll always be this traveler's home.


(A Traveler's Home, copyright 2007 Lauren McCuistion)