fire and water

We (Tim and I) just returned from a mid-week Bible study of sorts, and I feel the fire in my bones that Jeremiah described so accurately. Tonight's study was the first of a six week course on the armor of God and this war we are in... yet ironically, the discussion of war and swords and shields left me feeling anything but a fight within my heart. Being in a safe place with other believers finally - digging into Scripture with them, taking notes about our common enemy's tactics and plans to destroy... all of this left me feeling more at home, more safe, than I have felt in six months. Tim and I have finally found our church home here in Nashville, and although this discovery is new, it has already bolstered us by the hope it brings with it.

Moving here in August was one of the best decisions of my life. I came to Nashville as a happy new wife, unemployed, optimistic, anticipating, hoping... but I also came timidly, and always just as scared of those perpetual unknowns before me. I was scared of losing the Monday nights with my family; seeing their faces without age every week, playing board games and speaking of reality in complete safety. I was scared of losing those small group times on Thursday nights, and of forgoing those coffee breaks with Anna, those lunches with Angela... those much needed times of accountability and encouragement, to keep me bolstered. Although my love for Tim had me feeling all but invincible, still in my heart I feared the loneliness that might assuage me when he was out on the road... where would my home be, then? Community... something vital and huge that I was suddenly without, but what could I do? I brought with me 27 years of memories and history - yet no one here even knows my maiden name.

I have been continually encouraged by wise people in my life who remind me that these things take time... roots do not grow overnight, nor does a garden. Friendships will blossom just as flowers do, and a home will be built upon this soil, one season at a time... But even with all that wise perspective, I am so relieved that Tim and I have found a church home.

Tonight, our new pastor brought up an interesting point, which I had never thought about before:

In this war we are in - this battle against the powers of darkness, not against mere flesh and blood - he challenged us to think twice before we merely fought fire with fire, as the saying goes. Such a common piece of advice we humans offer one another - yet it is so not of Christ! When a building is on fire, a fireman does not put out the flames of that building by lighting another fire nearby... no; the fireman puts out the flames with water. How many times in Scripture does Christ juxtapose our common instinct with His divine instruction?

- He challenges us to walk two miles if someone asks us to walk one.

- He challenges us to love our enemies when they hate us.

- He challenges us to give a kind response when we are offered wrath.

- He challenges us to put others before ourselves.

- He challenges us to forgive those who have wronged us.

- He challenges us to lean not our own understanding.

In my day to day life, if I walk around prepared to fight fire with fire every time I am put into the flames... I will be burned alive.

Instead, Christ commands us to love as He has first loved us... for by this love, He overcame the world. All the powers within it, the rulers of darkness - they are unmatched, if pushed upon and fought against by the same love that is Christ and is within His blood. In fact, it is the only thing that will overcome this world. We who are merely flesh and bone are too weak to fight fire with fire - with that as our recourse, we will surely burn up, and become just as our enemies who stumble into the flames.

But to become water as He is our living water, and to quench the flames of this world by being the bearers of relief from eternal thirst... to overcome hate with love... by these swords and shields, we will overcome.

It's one of those nights when I am relieved...

My soul is relieved, to be on the winning side. No height, nor depth, nor rulers, nor powers of this earth can separate me from underneath this shelter of His wings.