a midnight clear

with eight days to spare, all of my christmas shopping is now complete. no more fighting the crowds, no more sitting in front of the television while wrapping presents... it's all complete. i stayed within budget, i got everything i needed - so now, the only thing left to do is the fun part:

enjoy.

enjoy looking at the pretty tree. enjoy driving around, looking at the houses - their rooflines and silhouettes highlighted against the blackness of the night. enjoy the christmas music, the red and green, and that underlying feeling of anticipation in the air... this is the unique time of year when the frenzy blends with the calm, in a way that leaves souls longing for much more than just white christmases.

as i let it all soak into my heart tonight, i am glad for the opportunity that christmas provides me, to see Christ and His love proclaimed in such a special way.

- - -

G.K. Chesterton has a poem that i recovered a few days ago, which writes together beautifully the silence and the holiness of the night Christ was born. i have read it several times, and each time i am encouraged. it makes me want to read the Christmas story again, even though i know it by heart. something inside my spirit moves at this small reminder of why Christ came to earth to save us. it's an amazing story, that does not grow old... one of peace, of truth, and of home.

- - -

"there fared a mother driven forth

out of an inn to roam;

in the place where she was homeless

all men are at home.

the crazy stable close at hand,

with shaking timber and shifting sand,

grew a stronger thing to abide and stand

then the square stones of Rome.

for men are homesick in their homes,

and strangers under the sun,

and they lay their heads in a foreign land

whenever the day is done.

here we have battle and blazing eyes,

and chance and honour and high surprise,

but our homes are under miraculous skies

where the yule tale was begun.

a child in a foul stable,

where the beasts feed and foam;

only where He was homeless

are you and i at home;

we have hands that fashion and heads that know,

but our hearts we lost - how long ago!

in a place no chart nor ship can show

under the sky's dome.

this world is wild as an old wife's tale,

and strange the plain things are,

the earth is enough and the air is enough

for our wonder and our war;

but our rest is as far as the fire-drake swings

and our peace is put in impossible things,

where clashed and thundered unthinkable wings

round an incredible star.

to an open house in the evening

home shall all men come,

to an older place than Eden

and a taller town than Rome.

to the end of the way of the wandering star,

to the things that cannot be and that are,

to that place where God was homeless,

and all men are at home."

(G.K. Chesterton, A Christmas Poem)

- - -

yesterday, i accepted my first management position at Pier 1. (yay!!!) i'm honored to be a part of what i feel is a solid team of great people, and it's always a large relief to see personal growth - whether it's in a specific role or elsewhere... it's an exciting time.

as tim and i have been praying about this opportunity for the past few weeks, and as i've proceeded through the interview process, this question has come up many times: what do i want? difficult question. complicated question. it has honestly stumped me.

it's strange, suddenly being married and re-creating a life. i'm re-evaluating things like hobbies, preferences, and interests - and even bigger matters of relationships, callings, and purpose. it's a lot of adjustments in a really short amount of time, and if tim weren't so patient with me... whew. that is such a hard question for me to answer - it always has been. what do i want?

- - -

in three days, my husband and i will make the drive to memphis, to celebrate part one of our first christmas together - after a few days, we will then head up to virginia for part two. if you live in a different city than your family, you will understand how much i have literally ached the past few nights, as i've looked forward to being all together with them again. i'm excited about sitting on the couches in my parents' living room - all six of us, finally together - me, tim, mom, dad, jason and whitney... and knowing that all is right with the world.

and for today - for tonight - i know in my heart, what it is that i want:

i want to spend time with mom in the kitchen, learning more about her cooking and her heart. i want to hug my dad really tight and not let go for a really long time. i want to be able to hear jason's voice again, and to hear him play guitar. i want to be able to hear whitney's laugh and talk with her about colors and wishes and dreams... and during it all, i want to look across the room at Tim, while he blends effortlessly with these people that have raised me, these people i have grown up with - and know in my heart, that this man is mine to keep.

how can a heart be so full, and not explode? the Lord has done amazing things... and to see those things and cherish them - that is what i want.

- - -

of all the things that christmas has been to me through the years, and all the things yet that christmas will become - it remains the perfect time to stand in wonder of all that He is. it remains a perfect time to identify and remember, that to be like Him is what i desire. any job promotion, any making of new traditions or breaking from old ways... all of it pales. all of it becomes quiet and still, when set beside that star of wonder.

i want to understand what He did for us... to remember and enjoy, all He has done.