love looks like:

once again, the bus is quiet. once again, i'm on a bus. curled up on this leather interior, listening to the generator nullify all other sounds. somewhere outside in the cold, teams of people are helping to tear down the stage, pack up the gear, box up the merch, acquire food for the bands... and one of those people is my husband.

it is so surreal, to realize that this is my life now. it is so good to realize it - over and over again, each time i climb into a bed or a bunk beside him. i'm married to an amazing man, who has a job that i can actually get behind and support. it brings me to my knees. God's grace has always been a permeating thing in my daily walk - but i'll be honest, that it's impact on me seems to have further increased now that i can see it every time i look at Tim's face. i don't intend to get all mushy with this - but there are some things that just need to be written out sometimes, without fear. i am enthralled with this man, and all we are already becoming as a couple... and the evidence of this once again astounds me: the Lord is faithful.

what else is there really to say? yet i press on because i love to write, i love details, it's cold outside, and i am happy to be sitting here with a heart full of dreams.

- - -

my mom came to visit last week. she came to visit our place in Franklin... she came to visit. it was wonderful. it was weird. all those years of her gentle example of hospitality came in quite handy in making her feel at home - and the irony of my new responsibilities sunk in just like the habits she instilled in me all these years. when we were getting ready to grab coffee one morning, i experienced one of those moments of clarity - where your life simplifies, your mind and heart conjoin, and you understand what you really want. or rather - you remember.

i have always known what i really wanted.

i want to build a home with as much warmth and calm and fun as my mother managed to build with my father. i want to live gracefully and joyfully, without complaint and without negativity. i want to cook healthy dinners, and i want to always have the house smelling like good candles. i want to do laundry, iron shirts, keep the bathroom clean, and keep Tim's stress level as low as it can be. i want to learn the art of being supportive of my husband - to stand tall when it is necessary or to understand when it is best to step aside.

- - -

my brother and i were talking a few days ago, and he said something very confirming in regards to my recent musings on this new journey. we were discussing some of the things we've been told over the years - advice we've been given about "what to really expect" from marriage, from that hallowed relationship with our spouse, and the daily dynamic of sharing a home with another independent, flesh-driven person. he gave me his take on the culmination of these perspectives, and as his opinion often does, it encouraged me. we agreed that although people say marriage is hard... it is definitely no harder than being alone. it is no harder than being stuck inside your own head day after day, working out your strengths and weaknesses alone - having no differences to inspire you, no iron to sharpen you, no contrasts to make you more.

i will be entirely honest - it has been refreshing to face daily conflicts with another individual and feel myself growing! it is so easy for me to forget sometimes that God made us new creatures capable of facing relational conflicts with courage, dealing through those conflicts graciously, and overcoming them with humility. it has been an honor like no other - to see the growth in Tim's heart and to see it in my own, even over the past three weeks. it leaves me hopeful about all that is to come.

- - -

so for now, love looks like painting the guest bathroom in the color we chose. it looks like measuring walls and hanging photos, accumulating recipes and trying my hand at them. it means using self control when i'm at Target and folding socks a certain way. love looks like a set of red towels that we can share, a message on the mirror, and a sandwich made for Tim while he works.

like the Scripture always said it would be: love is patient. love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast. love does not keep record of wrongs. it delights in the truth. it's a whole lot simpler than what i had grown to believe, and just as real as i always hoped it would be.

God is love, and love is of God. the peace that comes with understanding... it's all i've ever wanted - and as the joyful say:

my cup overflows. more updates from Franklin, coming soon.