adventure

i've been saying this a lot lately:

"it's all part of the adventure"

and what i want to know is... when did i finally start feeling this way, after 26 years of presumably not getting it? i caught myself saying this phrase yesterday to a friend, and it gave me pause. in the minute or so it took for me to take a look at my heart and make sure that what i said is something i really meant, the Lord impressed a peace on me that was incredibly new and yet oddly familiar at the same time. as Plato believed that all learning is somehow a remembering of things we once knew or were made for, so i agreed in that moment - somehow, a remembrance has been born in me; a gradual acceptance of what i should have never fought against, of what should have always been natural to us, if not for the Fall. this truth: that all of this is part of the grand adventure. the things that lie out of my control, the things i cannot anticipate, the things that bring me pain and the things that make me laugh and dance... it is all equal parts of this adventure, and there is joy in acknowledgment of this truth.

- - -

with very few exceptions, i find it entirely more natural to react to circumstances, rather than adapt. i often struggle with the action of going with the flow. the concept or general idea of it is perfectly fine - i understand the idea of being flexible, of being a team player, of rolling with the punches, of not throwing a tantrum when things don't go my way. i get all that. but living it out, moment by moment... ? a little bit harder for me. it's much more natural for me (and by natural, i mean more effortless) to make plans and stick to them, to commit myself to a course and do whatever it takes to arrive where i planned to arrive. i don't mind sacrificing things "for a cause" that i myself have condoned is appropriate. sound horrible? it is... and many of you are the same way ;) i am okay with the idea of adventure, as long as it is within a certain defined space or time frame. spontaneity? sure! let's plan on being spontaneous tomorrow.

adventure tends to scare me. adventure, by my definition, has always meant embracing the unknowns - and you would think that unknowns may as well be a curse word to my brain, from the way i tend to react to the thought of it/them. you want me to leave all i have and all i know and go do what, for a reason i'm not sure about and did not come up with myself... ?

um... can we say, as if? i'm fine where i'm at.

- - -

until recently. apparently. because all of a sudden i'm saying this phrase, and i know that i believe it finally, with my heart.

to see proof of growth is such an encouraging thing, amidst the fighting and the weariness that can often beset our days... and it makes me very happy today. to look back and see that He has been causing things to bloom inside your heart, through the winter months... this hope as it arises in my heart, is nothing if not a divine invitation to accept, join in and praise Him for this adventure.