learning.

i'm up at Starbucks, waiting for someone "but not really". it's more of just a hope that they will show up, rather than an expectation that they should... so different than a week and a half ago. so incredibly different.

we're both learning.

i'm learning that i do have a lot of expectations that have their basis in good things... in truth. but i also am learning that i have a TON of expectations that have their basis in my flesh and my opinions... and that is all they are based in, and it is definitely all that they are good for. flesh and opinions. truth was not the root of them. their roots are often little lies i've chosen to believe, those little fears i've paid too much attention to, or the little fancies i've allowed to keep me entertained when i'm lonely... and they need to disappear from my life, and the sooner the better. this isn't fancy - this is the real thing. truth is so much more heady than the lies, and i'm learning.

i've also learned recently that i can hold my own in charades, texas hold 'em, and high heels... i can successfully host a party and pick the battles out from the war - and would you believe it - i have noticed drastic improvements in my capacity to flirt, and i am once again rocking out some size 4 jeans.

(pause for the victory dance on that last one)

i'm also continuing to daily learn that without Him, i am nothing. and that no matter how much i learn about myself during this awkward transition time i call the homeless-in-between, it is all futile details unless contrasted to the things of Himself and His heart that He has placed in my own person and heart, according to His purpose (which is, lest i forget, much superior to my own). all my expectations - may He test them. all my longings - may He search them. all my heart - may He know it, and teach it to be more like His own.

i'm learning.