The One Who Cares

"Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

Matthew 6:25-26

- - -

Last weekend, we were caught up in the bustle of New York City. It's hard to believe, as I sit here in this suburban Tennessee neighborhood with a warm fireplace behind my back. There are no taxi drivers honking, no subway sounds thundering up through the sewer grates... there is no noise at all. Outside my window, I look out into our quiet street, and find joy in the truth that it suits me well.

But although I am one that would never choose to live in that large city permanently, it certainly was amazing to explore it for a few days. Time went just slowly enough to not weary us... the meals and the coffees, we savored - the memories, they made their way into us. It was perfect.

- - -

We were walking through Central Park on Saturday morning, and there was about 5 inches of snow covering the ground. I was giddy. I felt total freedom to be a tourist... snapping photos of the white and black landscape around me, tapping into memories of scenes from 'Home Alone 2', excitedly chattering about the beauty of it all. The brisk cold air that makes your eyes bright and your nose red, and the snow crunching underfoot, and the way everything looks when it's covered in white.

It was my favorite moment of the trip.

As we were beginning to make our way out of the park and back into the city, we passed by this huge oak tree surrounded by all these little brown birds. There were probably about eight or nine of them, just scurrying around the base of this tree, searching for seeds. Their little beaks were pecking at the surface of the soil, audibly chattering while they enjoyed their banquet.

I just stood there and watched them for a moment, and felt an all-too-familiar pressure begin to build behind my eyes and in my throat. I was about to cry. Just like that, from looking at those sweet little birds at the base of that big oak tree. But I also understood why.

Because those are the things that make me fall in love with God, all over again.

That in the midst of the snow, in the midst of a grand city, there are sweet little birds that still need to be fed... and they are, by God.

Because He created them. Because He cares for them.

- - -

At times this past year, I was too weary to stand.

One reason for this was my health - and only now that I've received a clean 'bill-of-health' from two doctors do I feel freed to share about that, in part. About a year and a half ago, I was diagnosed with 'Adrenal Fatigue' - which on a very basic level means that I was tired all the time, and on a more complex level means that several parts of my endocrine system and metabolism weren't working properly. Many things in my life were impacted - my physical energy and body, my emotions, my spiritual life, my ability to mentally process, etc...

There were days when I felt like I couldn't handle it anymore. There were days I would wake up with no energy, and lay there in bed with tears in my eyes. Other days were fantastic, and I would feel well - until I'd feel all these weird aches and pains, and the doubts would crowd in again. It all required some new habits and life-style changes - some that I would probably be wise to continue for the remainder of my life.

It was also a year of some new emotional griefs and fears, and we spent a lot of it on our knees... and the Lord drew close. He was present every step of the way. And as it stands today, my health has drastically improved, and other areas of my life are beginning to heal again as well. I am relieved in my soul. I am excited, and feeling hopeful.

But as grateful as I am for this proof of mending and healing... I know in my heart that it was the season of emptiness and brokenness that released me to cling to Him. To lean in hard, and pray to God that He could hold me up. To hold my head up, and push through the weariness. To keep silent and not let the complaints take over my life. His goodness... it sustained me.

And despite any other things that fell away last year, He stayed. He guided, and provided a way to process it all. Despite anything I thought I could have done, or fixed, or redeemed, or tried to make any part of last year easier.. it was His goodness that made things turn out alright. It always is.

- - -

This is why I felt myself begin to choke up, when I was looking at those little birds in Central Park. Because I knew how dependent they were, on finding those seeds on the ground... I understood. I felt the burning brand of God's faithfulness, like a fire on my heart. It caused tears to come into my eyes.

Because this is what I know...

Despite our grand cities, our full calendars, our talents, our relationships, our resumes, our philosophies, our success, our religion, or our friends -

Despite our accomplishments, our wit, our heritage, our integrity, our children, our street-smarts, our ACT scores, our marriages, our trophies, or our self-respect...

Despite all of these things we have going for us, we are still a hungry people... scurrying around, eyes looking to the ground, longing to be fed.

And there is One who cares for us. 

He is my Savior. He is the water for my thirst, the satisfier of my hunger. He is the One Who cares.

- - -

"So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." 

Matthew 6:31-33