like rain

the rain is hitting the sides of our bus with a soothing brush brush brush sound, and it reminds me of driving through a car wash. if this day had offered me sunshine, i'm sure i would feel more energy than i do right now... but alas. i am experiencing that state of lethargy that often accompanies gray skies and rain.

we arrived in Charleston, SC this morning... city 31 of 47. normally, i can get all of my gear and work-related materials into the building and up to our merch area in two trips. one trip has already been made. the other... yawn... i'll do it later, after my nap.

after this weekend, we will only have three more weekends to go. unbelievable, yet the proof lies in my bones and in my lack of motivation on days like today, when the skies and rain are aiding in the war against my productivity.

but although the rain is slowing things down for me today, isn't that in fact one of my favorite things about it? i can always count on rainy days, for slowing me down - and often indirectly, for teaching me something new... it's often when we sit still that we have time to let truths and lessons sink in - like rain sinks into soil.

- - -

when i left my apartment for the first weekend of this tour in January, i carried more than just suitcases with me out that front door. there were things i carried in my heart that weighed heavy. we all have those things sometimes - questions, doubts, fears... passions, loves, needs too overwhelming to understand, much less articulate. i left home not knowing what to expect from this tour - but i knew, as sure as the door shut behind me, that God had provided it as a time of healing for me. He had created and provided a Way of rescue, when i could not see it... and the time away from Memphis was going to allow me three months of new challenges, new people, new things to pray about, new insights into His character and into my own. i was ready.

and now there are only three weekends left to go. i will be returning home in less than a month - and for all the progress that has been made and all the new things learned on this journey, i still have no idea how i really feel about returning home. will it feel as good to return home as it felt to take a short leave of absence from it? the past few days, i've had to begin rapidly laying down and casting aside this brand new set of would-be-worries... will these three months have been enough to heal those places in me? will i lapse back into the same routine, as if i were unchanged? has my heart really been as strengthened as i feel now, or am i just kidding myself?... or will God's presence continue to daily assure me as it has on this tour, that His work is being done in deeper, bigger, and more staying ways than i can understand? that He has not missed a single moment i had begun to think He had - and that He has not discounted any prayer. that He loves me, and He will always pursue- on the open road, in the closeness of a city, in the familiar, or the farthest away from it as i have ever been... He is.

- - -

apparently, we are next to an Air Force base or something closeby... the sound of the planes are the only interruption to the otherwise peace and quiet in this bus. the rain has stopped for a moment, and i have been asked to lunch by a friend. who knows what we will find in this city. who knows what new lessons lie waiting to be learned today - but i hope, by God's grace, that they might they sink into my heart, like rain sinks into soil.