The Song of Summer

Their little faces still smell like sunscreen. No matter that they've been bathed, scrubbed with sweet soap, dried off with clean fluffy towels... a hint of Summer lingers, and I smell it when I kiss their faces.

On their knees and elbows, I see the marks from every scrape they've received this Summer while they've been busy playing in the sunshine and the heat. My heart is full at the sight of them - their blooming pink cheeks, the sweat and sweet dirt streaks on their faces from Summer night walks in Tennessee.

We've got popsicle stains on our back patio. Laundry has been intense. I've got little sunscreen handprints in my van that I doubt will ever fully fade.

And if they ever do, I'll probably cry.

- - -

This afternoon, I took my three year old to the grocery store. I needed a few ingredients to complete our dinner menu, and she is fun company! We played a game of "find the garlic" in the produce section, I let her scan all our groceries in the Self-Checkout line, and the sight of her awkwardly carrying the plastic grocery bag to our car was one of the sweetest highlights of my day.

My youngest is just about to start walking, but she's a fast crawler... and you should see her speed when I walk into the room. All the lights at Christmas can't compare with her smile, her dimple, and the way she looks at me. My heart catches in my throat, every single time... I'm a puddle for the jumping in. Never have I been the recipient of a love quite like the one she gives me - she finds refuge in my lap, and it's obvious, and it humbles me.

- - -

But of course...

The circumstances aren't always this idyllic.

Sometimes the days smell more like hard discipline and chaos than sunscreen and sweetness... sometimes the noise level of our home gets too high for me to think straight, the babies don't get along, the youngest decides that screaming will be her coping method for the day... and in those moments, how I struggle in my heart.

Those moments draw my sinful attitudes and habits to the surface faster than Summer lighting, and afterwards I feel the shadow of shame and failure begin to creep up on me.

But God is stronger. 

I can't begin to tell you how many times I've stood in my home, feeling ready to crumble, when the Holy Spirit has been faithful to remind me of His Word: that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit (Romans 8:1). And as I grasp onto that Truth, confess my sin to God and often apologize to my little girls, I do so with a deepened understanding of His love for me... because I know that for these sins, He died... and for those sins, He has already offered me forgiveness.

When I'm frazzled and standing in my kitchen,
the battle in my heart unknown by all except an all-seeing God...
When I'm watching my babies splash at the pool,
and my heart's so full I can't breathe.
When a baby photo was taken three years ago, but feels like yesterday...
and a sob rips through me, at the harshness of time.
When the toy she disobediently threw crashes to the floor...
When her face lights up when I walk into the room.

He is present for all of it. He is sufficient for all of it!

And as this sweet Summer continues to fly by, when my husband and I are yawning by 8:00 p.m... our tired smiles are shared, and that is enough. We are relieved to have each other here in this strange and beautiful world of parenting... Relieved to have something constant to look forward to after the lullabies are sung and the night-lights are turned on, relieved to have in common this sweet memory of the sunscreen smell on their little faces.

Because it is Summer in Tennessee, and we are spending our days raising two silly, precious, lovely, challenging, amazing little girls...

And there is a sweet, sweet song in my heart tonight.