Looking for Excuses
Princess bandaids for her scrapes and bruises. A plastic pinwheel to make her face light up. A cup of vanilla ice cream, with her very own spoon. I find myself looking for excuses to bring joy to her day.
Merely eight months ago, I used to sit at a tidy desk and do my work in an actual office. I could get up and grab coffee whenever I wanted, adding in some social interaction now and then. Nobody ever followed me into the bathroom. I had an excuse to wear cute business casual clothes, and accessorize without anybody pulling out my earrings. I listened to my own music and ate my lunches in peace, without anyone ever asking for a bite and then spitting it out in my lap.
My efforts received appraisal on a frequent basis. Working in an office with other people creates a lot of opportunities to receive affirmation and/or constructive criticism, so there's also inherent opportunities to grow - I experienced that, every day I showed up at work. It was a culture I got very used to, and I loved it. I was grateful then for the job I had, and I'm grateful still.
Now, things look a bit different.
For starters... I don't have deadlines. Unless I make plans for us and mis-manage my time beforehand, I'm rarely in situations where I have to rush around and hurry. Also... I'm someplace different every day. This past week I've gone to the splash pad, the library, multiple parks, story times at Barnes and Noble, restaurants and coffee shops, the grocery store, friends' houses... all with a sweet, bubbly, little toddling girl. I share my meals, my drinks, my experiences - ready or not.
But even after all the sharing... I sometimes go to bed unsure of how I did that day. Without clearly outlined tasks, performance reviews, and deadlines, it's hard to gauge whether you're succeeding or failing.
And that's when I find myself leaning hard into the promises of God and training my heart to remember:
- That His standard of success often looks different than mine.
- That He delights in me because I am His, not because of what I do.
- That He is working to accomplish good things through me, for His glory.
- That He blessed me with a daughter, when He didn't have to.
- That He came up with the idea of mothers, and He understands.
- That He wants my home to succeed and thrive, even more than I do.
- That His power is made perfect in my weakness.
- That His love is wise enough and strong enough to refine and perfect my own.
- That He longs to bless me, because He is my Father.
All of these promises are straight from His Word, and may they always be a seal upon my heart. I need them at the start of every day and again at its closing... and the Lord alone is able to accomplish the work I believe He has set before me:
To care for her heart, build a home for God's glory with my husband, and hopefully guide and prompt our daughter's soul to her Savior.
- - -
So tomorrow, I'll do it all over again...
I'll get to spend all day with a precious, hilarious little girl. I'll get to read books to her while she sits in my lap, and see all the lightbulbs come on when she learns something new. If she needs a band-aid, we'll figure out which princess she wants to be like that day... and if we go get ice cream, I'll get to watch her enjoy every last sticky bite from her very own cup.
The Lord knew what our home needed.
The day will most likely be full and long, and it may very well be spaghetti stained and apple sauce encrusted. I may spend a humbling amount of time repeating simple words and phrases, and I may interpret more scribbled drawings than a psych patient... but I'll also most likely be rewarded with some sweet hugs and quick visits from baby dolls, and I might even be poured a bath bubbles cappuccino.
And in between it all, I'll look for excuses to bless her... because that's what my Father's love does for me. With His presence, His wisdom, His mercy... there are no limits to His love, and He gives generously to all who seek Him.
"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!" (Matthew 7:11)
It comes naturally, this looking for opportunities. It's instinctive, because I love her. And Scripture tells me that God feels the same way about me. About all His children. His ways may look different than our ways, but the truth remains:
We have a Father who longs to bless us.
We have a Father who longs to bless us.
- - -
Merely eight months ago, I used to sit at a tidy desk and do my work in an actual office. I could get up and grab coffee whenever I wanted, adding in some social interaction now and then. Nobody ever followed me into the bathroom. I had an excuse to wear cute business casual clothes, and accessorize without anybody pulling out my earrings. I listened to my own music and ate my lunches in peace, without anyone ever asking for a bite and then spitting it out in my lap.
My efforts received appraisal on a frequent basis. Working in an office with other people creates a lot of opportunities to receive affirmation and/or constructive criticism, so there's also inherent opportunities to grow - I experienced that, every day I showed up at work. It was a culture I got very used to, and I loved it. I was grateful then for the job I had, and I'm grateful still.
Now, things look a bit different.
For starters... I don't have deadlines. Unless I make plans for us and mis-manage my time beforehand, I'm rarely in situations where I have to rush around and hurry. Also... I'm someplace different every day. This past week I've gone to the splash pad, the library, multiple parks, story times at Barnes and Noble, restaurants and coffee shops, the grocery store, friends' houses... all with a sweet, bubbly, little toddling girl. I share my meals, my drinks, my experiences - ready or not.
But even after all the sharing... I sometimes go to bed unsure of how I did that day. Without clearly outlined tasks, performance reviews, and deadlines, it's hard to gauge whether you're succeeding or failing.
And that's when I find myself leaning hard into the promises of God and training my heart to remember:
- That His standard of success often looks different than mine.
- That He delights in me because I am His, not because of what I do.
- That He is working to accomplish good things through me, for His glory.
- That He blessed me with a daughter, when He didn't have to.
- That He came up with the idea of mothers, and He understands.
- That He wants my home to succeed and thrive, even more than I do.
- That His power is made perfect in my weakness.
- That His love is wise enough and strong enough to refine and perfect my own.
- That He longs to bless me, because He is my Father.
All of these promises are straight from His Word, and may they always be a seal upon my heart. I need them at the start of every day and again at its closing... and the Lord alone is able to accomplish the work I believe He has set before me:
To care for her heart, build a home for God's glory with my husband, and hopefully guide and prompt our daughter's soul to her Savior.
- - -
So tomorrow, I'll do it all over again...
I'll get to spend all day with a precious, hilarious little girl. I'll get to read books to her while she sits in my lap, and see all the lightbulbs come on when she learns something new. If she needs a band-aid, we'll figure out which princess she wants to be like that day... and if we go get ice cream, I'll get to watch her enjoy every last sticky bite from her very own cup.
The Lord knew what our home needed.
The day will most likely be full and long, and it may very well be spaghetti stained and apple sauce encrusted. I may spend a humbling amount of time repeating simple words and phrases, and I may interpret more scribbled drawings than a psych patient... but I'll also most likely be rewarded with some sweet hugs and quick visits from baby dolls, and I might even be poured a bath bubbles cappuccino.
And in between it all, I'll look for excuses to bless her... because that's what my Father's love does for me. With His presence, His wisdom, His mercy... there are no limits to His love, and He gives generously to all who seek Him.
"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!" (Matthew 7:11)
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