Past, Present, and Proverbs

I've realized through some discussions with friends the past few weeks, that so many people in Nashville have no clue where I came from, or what my story is... the story of all God has done. And although I know that those conversations and opportunities will continue to develop over time, it did get me thinking. So I thought I would attempt to write a little bit about where I came from, in relation to my present, and the things I'm learning about God. This is a fragment, but it's a start.

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I grew up in Memphis, in a home that was permeated by God. Not only the carefully selected fragments of a god - but rather, all the parts of one God. What I mean by that is... my brother and I were taught about God's love - but also, of His holiness. We experienced His mercy in our parent's actions towards us, but we also were taught about His justice and righteousness. I was taught about the Savior I now know, since I was born, by my parents.

That was my beginning, in so many more ways than one.

In addition to that culture, I was also born into a home that appreciated education, and reading. We have countless pictures and videos of me holding books and "reading", before I could make out the words within them. My parents read to me as a child, and they continue to have discussions with me about things I'm reading or have read, as an adult. They took my education (and my pursuit of it) seriously, and prayed for wisdom to provide both my brother and I with educations that were well-rounded, balanced, and complete.

They're prayers and their sacrifices paid off, and I am grateful. (It must be said, for it is true.)

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For me, reading books has connected many parts of my life and my faith. I remember certain seasons of my life or my walk by what book I was reading at the time - the things I was learning from it, or the way one particular sentence would affect an emotion in me.

Some of the sweetest memories I have carried from my childhood are of my grandmother Eleanor, sitting out on the patio each morning with her coffee and her book in hand... or laying in bed at night, reading. She would fall asleep this way, and I would remove her glasses, remove her book from her hands, and turn off the lamp beside her. I found out several years ago (after she had gone to be with the Lord), that when my mother was a child, she did this exact same thing each night for her mother.

Two generations, involved in a sweet pattern that I have cherished.

I have come to recognize as an adult that I see and understand God best, when I am learning - and most often, in the academic sense of that word. Obviously, the learning of Him happens in interactions with people, and circumstances, and other things besides inanimate books... but learning by reading has undoubtedly been a special entryway to my heart, mind, body, and soul. If God has met me on one page, He has met me on thousands, and hundreds of thousands.

This is my testimony. And since the age of 9, I have been compelled to write about it all. What I'm reading, what I'm learning, what Scriptures tell me to be true... forming words from words, articulating truth by expression. This is the result of my heritage. It is the consuming passion of my life.

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The Bible says within its own pages, that the Word of God is alive and active - sharper than any double-edged sword, penetrating even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow - judging the thoughts and the attitudes of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12) .... No kidding.

I've been reading through Proverbs this past month, and conviction has been on every page. I thought at first when I began the book that I would "breeze" through it... I could not have been more wrong. It has come alive to me, in ways it never has before.

It's call to wisdom and discretion is un-compromised - and it's appeal to knowledge, righteousness and obedience cannot be denied. It's barbs of sharp conviction, couched in poetry. It's eating my lunch. However, there have been several verses in this book that have illuminated and become the prayers of my life during this season:

"Man's steps are ordained by the Lord; how then can man understand his way?" (Prov. 20:24)

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge." (1:7)

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight." (3:5-6)

"The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom. And with all your acquiring, get understanding." (4:7)

"Then you will discern the fear of the Lord and discover the knowledge of God... For wisdom will enter your heart and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul; discretion will guard you, and understanding will watch over you..." (2:5, 10-11)

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In a culture that often scoffs at wisdom, I sometimes struggle to find my voice. In a culture that increasingly uses this idea of knowledge-seeking as an entry point on a corporate ladder, I sometimes struggle to rest in the purpose of study for the sake of learning Truth. My spirit rumbles... How do I share Christ through words, through books, through Proverbs? I'm working through these questions, in this season of my life.

I continue to pray about writing a book, but I need wisdom to hear and discern the Lord's response to those prayers. In the meantime, I continue to check out books from the library, discuss literature with friends, and look up every new word that I don't understand. To write down ideas for children's books I've had while driving to work in the mornings. To allow myself to feel and engage the emotion that a song lyric evokes in my heart. And I continue to write. To read God's Word. To wrestle through Proverbs, and let the words of Truth plant whatever it wants to begin in me.

And in the meantime, these verses compel me to continue seeking God more, in the details of my life, for the sake of learning Him and being equipped to share Him with the culture around me. They assure me that the more I seek Him, the more I will find myself in the process. They also confirm that this combination of reading, writing, and studying Scripture in my life is a doorway to His heart.

Thanks for staying with me, and these blogs, as I learn to recognize that door, define it, and walk through it.