such times as these

March 23 was my last post... Good grief. Where to begin? I guess the only appropriate place to start is where the blogs last landed.

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Going into the last two weekends of tour on March 23, my heart was a mess of emotions. Highs, lows, happies, sads... check. After three months of being away from "home", I thought I would be a lot more ready than I was to return to all things once familiar. I was ready to see my friends and family, and I certainly was ready for some much needed rest... but admittedly, feelings of displacement, fear, and uncertainty were fighting hard again to take the forefront in my heart. These emotions are so typical for me to feel, yet their effects always stir me in new ways - this fear of the unknown.

When I get entirely stuck inside myself like that, the thing that the Holy Spirit often prompts me moment by moment to do is to fight for joy (as John Piper so appropriately has coined), and to reach out to the God who is entirely outside and other and over all that I am. The God who knows my needs better than I do, even though I often am tempted to believe that I alone reign over the kingdom of "my thoughts". And let me just say as I have hopefully said so many times before... the Lord is so faithful to meet us in those moments of fighting for joy. The last two weekends of tour turned out to be amazing. Although I did still wrestle with some things, I felt enabled to cherish the last moments with my tour family and friends. A relationship began to bloom that was wholly unexpected, but perfectly formed for such a time as this. As I am writing this out, this blessing whose name is Tim is in my thoughts and prayers - he will be traveling all day and joining me for a brief visit tonight in Memphis before continuing to travel on tour tomorrow with the band he manages. My heart is too full at the moment for further description, but I will just say it at least once... the man is amazing.

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As Spring has enveloped the southeast United States, I feel my own heart warming and thawing, breathing in deep of the possibilities that life has offered over the past 4 months away. I have spent much time in the Word these past few months, and it daily becomes harder to escape the effects of truth and light and promises I find echoing through the centuries within it. There are several promises that have echoed comfort over and over in my heart while I was away, His voice touching and moving along the walls of my heart like a canyon. Promises like the following:

"But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in His unfailing love." (Psalm 33:18)

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." (Proverbs 16:9)

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)

"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." (Psalm 4:8)

"No... in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." (Romans 8:37)

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I am sitting at my desk now, in a comfortable office with 'Ray LaMontagne' playing and a Dr. Pepper in hand. I have a dear friend typing away in the office next to me, and there is sunshine outside although tonight's forecast is for dangerous storms. My mind is thinking about the future, but my body dwells in the here and now - as it should be, as it is. I am praying that the Lord will continue to unfold His plans, to clarify His purposes, to open up doors and cause life to awaken as He has these past few months. But, even if His plans are otherwise, I have yet again been recently offered even more reasons to trust and know that His way is perfect - and that although His nature may not always feel safe, it is always good. On April 26, in Memphis, TN, I once again am resting in the knowledge that I am His... and He is good.

Thanks for reading,

Lauren