Sightlessly

when i was removing my contacts last night and quickly putting on my glasses... i had a small thought. as small thoughts tend to do if given time and attention, it developed into a pondering, and then into a study - became a prayer, and now has already written itself as a seal on my heart. after writing a little about it and playing it out some on the piano, i believe that the only next step is to endeavor at developing the idea into a blog entry. i was taught at a young age that it is good to share things with friends...

here was the thought:

my vision is provided. many people have even less than i have - and i am grateful for this provision. but vision is not just something provided for our eyes; vision is also something that God provides our hearts.

i am deliberate as i attribute this provision to be one directly given by God... for man can create plans, but can we create for ourselves vision? we can adapt other people's visions and call them our own - but at its source, i strongly believe that vision of any kind is given, is provided to us, by God. after all - He is the light, the guide, the source, the beginning, the end, and the summation of all that will ever be in between. who else has seen all and called it by its name or part? who else has seen all and plotted the course of all movement occurring within the whole of it? ... no one other than God.

so i got to thinking about how this applies to my life. not just my contacts and glasses... but the plans in my heart. the hopes for my future. the dreams i have laid down. the joy i cling to, the love i fight for... the vision of my life.

lately (and by lately, i mean for the past 3-4 years), i have at times severely struggled with the notion that i seem to lack a particular vision for my life. while others have their visions made for them by marriage, by motherhood, by career path, by calling, or by copyrights... i sometimes struggle with the feeling of being lost amidst a world of choices that i did not seek to have placed at my feet. arguably, i have more opportunities at my door now than ever before... but Lord, what to do with them? how can a heart choose its way, without vision?

... you learn to walk by faith.

i am learning to walk without sight, as i myself wrote in a song 7 years ago. (irony is a greatly humbling thing when you find it staring up at you from hundreds of pages on your journals.) i am learning to trust that the God who provides sight to my eyes will provide sight to my heart at the appropriate time, for the fulfillment of a purpose which He is designing and He understands fully... though at times, and for seasons, i may not.

with or without a current goal, a plan, or a vision for my earthly life... i am learning to walk by faith, and not by sight. my vision is only to become as He is.

- - -

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart.

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.

Thou my best thought by day or by night;

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, Thou my true Word;

I ever with Thee, Thou with me, Lord;

Thou my great Father, I thy true son;

Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle-sheild, sword for my fight.

Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight.

Thou my soul's shelter, Thou my high tower.

Raise Thou me heavenward, O power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,

Thou mine inheritance, now and always;

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,

High King of Heaven, my treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,

May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'ns Son

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be my vision, O ruler of all.

- - -

And from another writer, certainly less established but as effected herself by this same truth 7 years ago...

"So watch me dance and watch me sing,

As I bow on callused knees -

For I have found that there is no

Greater satisfying thing,

Than walking in obedience

Though it defies all common sense...

And leaving all left in between,

if oh to follow Sightlessly."

- - -

Thanks for reading,

Lauren