Love

inevitably. this is a blog about love. today is Valentine's day, and a large portion of our world is boasting shades of pink and red... i have to admit, i think it's sweet. over-merchandised, yes... but incredibly sweet, nonetheless.

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and in the midst of these romantic exclamations, my brain is on overdrive.

i'm sitting here thinking about all the different loves i have experienced. i'm remembering faces that seemed, at one time, as familiar to me as my own. i'm remembering the butterflies, the awkward dates, the intoxicating first kisses, the confusing breakups, all the notes and letters, the hopes still not forgotten. and of course - all the tumultuous emotions that accompany all these sweet nothings. all of the nights spent blushing, spent praying, giggling, crying, enjoying, doubting...

and all of the ways in my life that i've tried to give and receive love - and then, the ways i've responded when i did or did not succeed in those endeavors. i'm thinking about all of love's tenses... past, present, future - both noun and verb.

and it is staggering - how much our days, our stances, our decisions, and even our salvation hinges upon Love's presence or absence... everything good is somehow about it, and there can be nothing good without it.

Love.

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i'm 25. i don't have a boyfriend. i am not currently aware of any glowing prospects. i am not married. i do not have a casual lover. i do not have a child who depends on me. i am, in many ways, as solitary and independent as i have ever been... and today is Valentine's Day.

so... yikes?

am i inevitably set up for disaster today? i mean... honestly. will all the hidden hurts suddenly rise up from their grave as the clock strikes each hour?!

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by no means do i have this down yet, and the ease of effecting it onto a day does often prove to be much easier in theory than in action... but i am learning just exactly how much strength the Lord desires to offer us on days like this. it is pulsing with freedom, and it is sufficient enough to set a heart on fire, even on this day. despite the lies that many people (including myself) are tempted to believe for the next 24 hours, my Savior's love is my provision. it does not destroy the hurts or the questioning or the lonely feelings - but it does redeem them.

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my friend Lori and I were having dinner at Newk's a couple nights ago, and we were talking about having faith the size of a mustard seed... and how much God can multiply that seed, even when you don't feel like its enough.

it was a very aptly timed conversation.

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i'm having a hard time clarifying my exact point here... but all i know is that i've seen this day coming now for the past week, and i've been really uncomfortable. when looking at my life lately through this pink and red lense, it has been difficult to focus on anything but the gaps that i see. it is easy to believe the lie that something is missing in my life. when all the friends who were married a few years ago now are beginning to paint nurseries and choose baby names... it is easy to feel like you've been left behind. it is very easy to believe that, and to get entrenched in that mentality... it is easy to let your heart get crushed underneath that weight.

but.

that little seed of faith? that little hope that has not been squelched, that Love that is more deep and wide than any other that we could find... it is big enough to fill every single gap in our lives. and no matter what else we are told today, there is not a single person on this earth that is lacking in love.

for God so loved the world,
that He gave Himself for it,
that we might know.

Love.

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Happy Valentine's Day :)